


Lost Time

by Ima1



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emma used to be Daniel, Established Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan, F/F, Magical Pregnancy, Reincarnation, Soulmates, true love baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-01-05 12:10:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 40,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12189747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ima1/pseuds/Ima1
Summary: Emma gets accidentally sucked into a portal to a realm where time works a little differently and when she comes back she's got a little surprise with her."Who's the baby Emma?""She's mine," Emma repeated, holding the baby fiercely."Ma?" Henry asked cautiously, as if talking to a wild animal. "Why does she look exactly like mom?"





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm pretty interested in the whole reincarnation thing and soulmates so I thought it'd be a cool idea for our lovely SwanQueen couple. Add magical pregnancy to that and you'll get yourself quite an angsty story which I hope you'll enjoy :D And I promise there's a happy ending after the drama! Comments are more than welcome!
> 
> Just to get you situated, this follows canon up until Emma's engagement to Hook and is set in a future where Emma and Regina got together 'cause Emma found some sense and dumped the pirate's ass. So Hook is gone, no one cares how, but he is mentioned a few times, as is Robin. Also, for the purposes of this premise the Queen and Regina got back to being one person somehow, no Queenie getting engaged to Hood in the wishverse.

**Prologue**

 

He was running on nervous excitement while he readied the horses and waited for Regina to come. They would finally do it, run away from her mother, be together. Be happy.

When he saw his love coming his heart leaped in his chest and he knew, he just knew he'd finally be with his true love like they were meant to. They'd get a little cottage in the prairie, somewhere far away from her mother's reaches, somewhere where they could raise a family and get their happy ending. He knew he couldn't provide her much in terms of the wealth she was accustomed to, but Regina said she didn't care. They would be happy, all they needed was each other.

Then, suddenly, her mother was there and he got a feeling deep in his gut, looking at her cold dead eyes, that their happiness was about to be ripped away from them.

When Regina stood up to her overbearing mother for the first time he felt so proud of her. Maybe he was wrong, maybe Cora could accept them and she would let them go.

She certainly made it seem that way when she went to hug Regina, and then when she turned to him and talked as if giving them her blessing.

In a way, as he felt her hand enter his flesh in a manner that should not be possible and ripped out his heart, he thought he should've known. No one changed their mind that fast. And no stable boy ever got their happy ending with the beautiful princess. How could he have been so delusional?

Then, as he felt his heart being squeezed and an overwhelming pain come over him, he knew most of the pain was not from his vital organ being crushed into dust in a second. No, it was the pain of being torn away so violently from his true love. And in an instant, hearing Regina's gut-wrenching scream in the distance, it was almost as if their hearts were connected and he could feel her pain as well. It was too much.

He only managed to wish, as he rapidly faded away, that they could meet again. That they could get another chance at their happy ending


	2. Chapter 2

Regina had been waiting impatiently for the last five minutes and Mulan had still to return. Deep down, in the rational part of her brain, she knew that, even though she theoretically opened the portal to lead Mulan directly to Emma, there could always be complications.

Maybe she cast the spell wrong, maybe Mulan ended up in the wrong realm, maybe Emma had been injured, maybe- No, she couldn't think about the maybes, that only led her to a spiral of bad thoughts and increased her already high levels of anxiety. Instead, she refocused her attention on keeping the portal open, focusing on the magic flowing through her rather than let her thoughts drift astray. It was a draining process and she was glad to have her sister's help in the endeavor. Even with both their magic tough, she didn't know how much longer they could keep it open.

She could hear Snow and David murmuring, she could feel Henry's panic, and she could sense the general restlessness surrounding her but she averted her eyes from the small crowd and she focused her gaze on the portal, practically willing it to fulfill her needs, because she needed Emma back as surely as she needed air to breathe.

Finally, _finally_ , after what seemed like an eternity there was a shift in the energy of the portal and she looked up just in time to see Mulan walking through it, followed quickly by Emma and...

Was that a child in her arms?

Pure relief flooded through her and she closed the portal without a though, her attention immediately captured by the beautiful blonde she'd been desperately missing. She unconsciously took a step forward towards her but something stopped her from leaping forward and enveloping Emma in a bone-crushing hug. Or, rather, _someone_ stopped her. Emma looked at Regina for only a brief second and then immediately averted her eyes. But Regina saw it, and that's what halted her steps. Emma looked at her with such hurt and rage and resentment that it left Regina stunned.

She watched, instead, dumbstruck as a statue, as Emma was engulfed by her parents and Henry in a suffocating hug, while the rest of the group cheered on.

She felt like she was left on the sidelines as a feeling of dread sank deep into her gut because she couldn't understand it. Why did Emma react that way? She felt like an outsider to their little family unit when she shouldn't be. Two days before she wasn't.

Two days before she was happily and blissfully happy with her girlfriend, finally being able to express her feelings after years of repressing them, of ignoring it, of thinking that she couldn't possibly fall for the Savior destined to break her curse and who'd take her son from her, of thinking that she had a soulmate so she shouldn't feel this, whatever it was, for Emma, of thinking that she couldn't be in love with a woman who literally went to hell to get her boyfriend back.

But in the end, it was inevitable. She couldn't hide from her feelings, _they_ couldn't hide. They couldn't chalk up Neverland to two desperate mothers in search of comfort in each other's arms on a lonely night. They couldn't ignore Regina seeking Emma after losing Robin, half drunk and needing to feel something other than despair. They couldn't ignore Emma breaking up with Hook after he proposed and not looking nearly as sad as she should, instead choosing to spend more and more time with Regina and Henry, their little family unit becoming closer by the day.

They didn't jump straight in though. They waited, they waltzed around it for many months, enjoying spending time with each other as each recovered from their own wounds and helped the other in the process. Regina was terrified to do anything to change the relationship they had built, she was scared of confessing her true feelings and causing Emma to run, and she could see the same conflict in Emma's eyes.

Somehow it had always been like that. She had always been able to read Emma's feelings through her eyes, even when she put up a stoic face. And that's how she knew, standing there in the fringe, watching her girlfriend be showered with love and care, that there was something very wrong with Emma.

The look of relief at seeing Henry and her parents was soon replaced by clear discomfort. Emma was never one for physical displays of affection, Henry, little Neal and Regina being the exceptions, but this was different. She looked like a trapped animal looking for an escape.

Emma was holding the child protectively close to her chest while a look of panic began to settle in her eyes and she slowly began to pull away.

Regina was still stunned silent by Emma's reaction as well as the presence of the child. She was wearing a rough-spun dress, curly chocolate brown locks falling down her shoulders and she was sucking on her thumb looking anxiously around with wide brown eyes as she hung on tightly to Emma's neck. And Regina couldn't shake the feeling that she looked familiar. Emma for her part held her even closer and whispered in her ear what Regina could only assume were reassuring words.

With the excitement of Emma's return finally fading everyone suddenly rushed in with questions, but Snow's rang louder than all others.

"Who is this Emma?" she asked curiously, causing Emma to clutch to the little girl even tighter, immediately assuming a protective stance.

Emma looked at Regina for a millisecond before she replied, "She's my daughter," looking very much like a mama bear protecting her cub. (From what, Regina wasn't sure.)

Everyone gasped in shock, confusion marking their features, but Regina was sure no one felt it more than her, her heart doing a painful flip as the words sank in. _Daughter_? How on earth had Emma left two days before to another realm and come back with a child? Her mind was running furiously, drowning out everyone's questions as she adjusted to Emma's words until she heard Emma practically shout, "I told you! She's my daughter!"

That seemed to shut everyone up and Regina finally snapped from her stupor.

"What do you mean your daughter, Emma?" a confused David asked.

"Did you find her in the other realm, honey?" Snow probed carefully, sensing that Emma's protective behavior could result in another shout and for her to pull away.

Regina didn't even need to wait for Emma's fervent "She's _mine_ ," to know this was not some abandoned child Emma had found. For once, their bond obviously ran further than the two days Emma had been away. And secondly, somehow, despite the darker coloring, she could see a resemblance between the two, the same expressions, the same nose, the same big round eyes.

Her brain was struggling to comprehend, to add two plus two and come up with a reasonable explanation. And she was coming up blank. She had seen Emma just two days before and she had definitely not been carrying a child around then. She kept looking at the pair, and Emma kept avoiding her eyes, the knowledge that something was very wrong really starting to hit Regina like a train and a sense of uneasiness settling deep within her, her heart doing more of that painful crushing as the minutes went by.

And she still couldn't shake the feeling that this child felt familiar. But that was impossible, she rationalized as she shook her head, forcefully drawing her eyes from the two and noticing that everyone's attention had suddenly focused on Mulan, who was shifting nervously from being put in the spotlight.

"I'm sorry, what?" Regina asked, having finally found her words as her brain assimilated that what Mulan was saying was important.

Mulan looked even more uncomfortable as she looked at Regina, but she straightened up and put on her warrior face as she faced the queen. She stepped forward from Emma's side, looking even more like she had been protecting her since their arrival, as she spoke.

"Regina, I'm sorry it took so long to do as you asked. The portal led me to the middle of the woods and I spent weeks tracking until I finally found them," she said with a chagrined face. "But I brought her back, as promised. I brought _them_ back," she added with a meaningful look towards Emma and the child, who had receded back from the crowd and kept snuggling the girl close to her chest, rubbing a hand up and down her back in a gesture that looked more protective rather than reassuring or calming.

Regina's brain took a while to process what she said, mostly because she was still in a state of shock and possibly denial, but then she really took in Mulan's words.

"What do you mean weeks? You were gone for less than ten minutes."

Apparently, everyone else caught on to what Mulan was saying and they were now eyeing the trio with looks of confusion.

For her part the warrior seemed conflicted at having to explain what Regina's brain was already struggling to put together, but, brave as always, she replied.

"I'm sorry, your majesty. It appears that in the other realm time worked...differently. It took me almost three weeks to find them and another two for us to make it back to the portal."

Shocked murmurs erupted through the crowd but nothing compared to the crushing despair Regina felt gripping her heart. If Mulan, who had only been away from this world for little more than five minutes, had spent five weeks in the other realm, then that meant that Emma... _oh god_.

No. _Nonononono!_

Suddenly she couldn't breathe, she felt as if she floor could crumble beneath her feet and she wouldn't even notice, she wouldn't even care. She had taken two days to find Emma, two whole desperate days trying to open a portal to get her back, but for Emma, it had been-

"Two years," Emma flatly answered to whoever had asked. Regina looked up at her with despair in her eyes only to be met with anger.

That's when everything clicked. She'd seen it, there was no denying it, her brain had just chosen to ignore it for her own protection, but there was no missing it now.

Emma looked nothing like when she'd left only two days before. Her tight jeans, tank top, and signature red leather jacket were gone, replaced by beige woolen trousers and a long-sleeved white shirt, both looking well worn and handmade. Her hair was no longer shiny and lustrous, falling down her back in soft locks, but instead, it was limp, looking as if it had been chopped at the tips by something not sharp enough to keep it from growing too long. And she looked older. Not just in years, but in the way people age when life has been too rough on them.

Regina's eyes drifted back to the child again, a deep panic settling in her chest. She looked younger than two years old, but at least a year and a half. Which would mean- no, it couldn't. It just couldn't. _No_.

Mulan herself looked like she'd been through hell, and Regina didn't doubt that, as promised, she had done everything to find Emma, even if it meant she had barely gotten any sleep in weeks.

Regina was lost. Lost for words, lost on her own swirling thoughts that turned darker at every turn. All she could do was stare in shock at her girlfriend and the little girl, trying to assimilate the information and not let herself fall into the abyss of what it meant.

"Emma, honey, it's been two days since you fell through that portal," Snow reasoned, as if she was choosing to ignore what was clearly obvious and convince her daughter that they hadn't left her alone for two years.

" _Two years_!" Emma yelled, startling the girl who started whimpering in her arms. Emma cooed her and rocked her, placing her little head on her shoulder and caressing her hair.

No one knew what to say then, everyone seemed to be processing their shock in their own way. Regina glanced at their son who looked completely confused and she could see her despair reflected in his eyes. Emma had been without her family for _two years_.

"Emma, that's... We didn't know, we couldn't have known," David pleaded with his daughter, earning himself a loathed glare. Still, stubborn as he was, he continued, ignoring his daughter's obvious agitation. "We've spent the last two days looking for every way possible to get to you. Regina hasn't slept since you left-"

"I didn't _leave_ ," she all but spat.

"Ma..." Henry tried in a calm tone, "mom spent the past two days looking at every book until she finally found the spell and got enough power to open the portal."

Emma all but ignored him and she literally flinched at the mention of Regina, as if just hearing her name caused Emma physical pain. She held the baby closer to her and took another step back away from the group.

Regina could actually feel her heart cracking and splitting at her reaction, and she sucked in a deep breath that sounded almost like a sob, her brain replaying the word 'no' like a broken record, as if denial could save her from shattering into a million pieces.

"Who's the baby Emma?" Zelena asked in a tone that relied she very much knew the answer to her own question.

"She's _mine_ ," Emma replied, giving her a scalding glare.

"Sweetie, how? Did you meet someone there? Here? Who...?" Snow asked clearly still confused and Regina wanted to gag at the idea of Emma being with someone else. She wouldn't, she knew Emma, and yet...two years was a long time to be alone. Not that the other option seemed much better... Somehow the idea of Emma cheating was more comforting than what her brain was struggling (and desperately avoiding) to piece together.

Mulan shifted uncomfortably next to Emma as she sent her a gentle warning, "Snow..."

"I think that's pretty obvious isn't it?" Zelena said amused, unfazed by Emma's angry glare. Gosh, she wanted to kill her sister sometimes.

Sensing her mother's distress the baby started whimpering once more, causing Emma to begin rocking her again. Regina felt a tug at her heart watching them and she couldn't tell if it was yearning or despair. Probably both. She couldn't let her brain go there, not until Emma confirmed it. Her answer was sure to crush her either way though.

"She's mine," Emma repeated holding the baby fiercely. Mama bear indeed.

"Ma?" Henry asked cautiously, as if talking to a wild animal. "Why does she look exactly like mom?"

Regina's heart sunk at hearing from Henry what a part of her was desperately wishing was and wasn't true. It couldn't be, it wasn't actually possible, her rational brain told her. But she'd seen the girl. She'd noticed how familiar she looked, she'd felt the inexplicable draw towards her, this infant stranger who looked indeed a lot like her.

Zelena was practically jumping with glee like a kid who knew the answer to the teacher's question as she squeaked "Ooh I know, I know!".

Everyone's eyes turned from Regina to Emma and the child and back as if they wanted to grasp what Henry was asking. It shouldn't be possible, everyone knew. Only true love, a soulmate, and even then it was only supposed to be a rumor.

Plus, she supposedly already had had two soulmates, both dead. It couldn't be possible, it just couldn't.

And yet...Emma's eyes told a different story when she finally looked at Regina, whose brain finally gave up on denial and fell deep into despair. And then Emma vanished in a cloud of white smoke.

 


	3. Chapter 3

  
Everyone looked gobsmacked as they looked from the spot where Emma had just vanished to Regina. She just knew that any second now she would be flooded with questions which she wasn't prepared to answer, not only because she was still stunned but because she wouldn't know how to. Sure enough, one, two...

"Regina?!"

"What the heck?"

"You've been dating our daughter?!"

"Mom?"

Regina still felt completely in shock and she barely registered the questions until Henry prompted her, gently touching her arm.

"I..." She just couldn't find the words with her brain still processing what had just happened. A daughter? She and Emma had a _daughter_. But...how?

Again, she was torn between a state of wonder and happiness to one of complete despair. She had a daughter. Whose whole life she'd missed. And Emma... Emma had done it all alone in god knows what realm.

Oh god, she was going to be sick.

Henry seemed to sense her panicked state and put both of his hands on her shoulders, trying to make her look at him and effectively blocking her view of the others.

"Mom, breathe okay? It's going to be alright-" he tried to soothe her before she interrupted him.

"You don't know that! Two _years_ Henry! Two years and a baby girl..." she finished with a sob.

"You didn't know, mom, none of us knew. You did your best for two straight days and you got her back. _You_ did that," he said in a tone far wiser than his fifteen years.

"Regina, I think you owe us an explanation," Snow said in an aggressive tone, and, though she was blocked from Regina's line of sight, she could just picture her with her arms crossed like a petulant child.

"Grandma, no offense, but she doesn't. Just let her process."

"We're trying to process too, Henry. Your mother just came back with a baby girl that is apparently also your other mother's daughter and we didn't even know they were dating," said David seriously.

"It shouldn't be possible..." Regina whispered to herself in a trance-like state.

Henry hugged her tight as if protecting her from the world, the fact that he was now much taller than her only made it feel more so and she couldn't have appreciated it more at that moment.

Henry knew, almost since the beginning of their relationship (perhaps even before), and he was the only one to know. Zelena might have had her suspicions and she'd drop hints every time she saw them together or tease Regina about her obvious puppy love when they were alone, but they'd never told anyone that they were together. They just both agreed they weren't ready to break the bubble, and Regina was secretly, or perhaps not so much, afraid that everyone would react badly to the Evil Queen dating the Savior. Most people still held grudges against her and she couldn't fault them, even if she was generally considered one of the heroes now. She was walking the path of redemption but it was a very long and sinuous one.

One thing was for sure though. She loved Emma. She loved her with all her heart and had for many years and Emma, as unlikely and absolutely incredible as it was, loved her back. Or she used to. The hatred she'd shown in her eyes just before might have told a different story.

Regina breathed deeply and gathered her thoughts, quickly realizing that she shouldn't be there.

"I have to go find your mother," she told Henry.

He gave her a supportive smile and nodded, hugging her tighter.

"I love you, mom."

"I love you too, honey," she said with a weak smile before vanishing in her own purple cloud.

  
*

She instinctively knew that she'd find Emma at her house. Not Regina's, where she'd come to spend most of her time for the last several months, even going so far as to start leaving clothes in what Regina dubbed as 'Emma's drawer' and a toothbrush in Regina's master bath. But no, at that moment Regina knew that Emma would seek the comfort and shelter of her own home, especially after she'd felt and seen the anger directed at her after she came through the portal.

Breathing deeply and counting in her head to gain some much-needed courage, Regina stilled herself and reached with her hand to ring the bell, only to stop short when she thought that the baby might be sleeping after all the commotion. She knocked on the door instead and waited nervously for Emma to open.

And she kept waiting for what felt like forever but was probably closer to five minutes. She knew Emma was home though, she could sense her magical signature, and, despite understanding that her girlfriend needed her space, she couldn't wait. So she knocked again, and again, and yet again until Emma finally opened the door giving her her deadliest glare to date.

Before Regina could even open her mouth to speak Emma was already uttering an undebatable "No" and closing the door on her face.

Regina ignored the shattering pieces of her heart causing her actual physical pain and stopped her with a foot on the door, looking at her pleadingly.

"Emma, please. We have to talk."

Emma's eyes were unreadable, a blank mask on her face as she replied in her iciest tone, "No. We don't."

What was another piercing jag at her already broken her anyway? She tried to control her voice and failed as she pleaded, "Emma... I didn't know, I couldn't have known!" she said, voice trembling with emotion. "I've spent more than forty-eight hours straight looking for a way to get you back! I-"

"You _nothing_ ," Emma hissed as she cut her off, her blank façade cracking and anger framing her features like never before. "You need to leave. My daughter is sleeping and we've been through enough today," she added firmly.

Regina felt tears welling in her eyes and she simply didn't have the energy to try to stop them or catch them, as they fell heavy down her cheeks, making her voice watery. "Emma, at least tell me, I have a right to know," she pleaded. "Is she mine?"

Emma stilled at that, her body assuming an immediate defensive posture and a conflicted look crossed her eyes. Finally, she seemed to think Regina deserved some kind of answer as she coldly said, "I should think the answer is pretty obvious as Henry pointed it out," and then made another attempt at closing the door only to be stopped once again by Regina's hand.

Regina felt stunned. Her mind was racing, her heart a tumbling mess, both completely elated and absolutely broken at the confirmation. She had a daughter. With Emma... How?

"You need to go now," Emma repeated in the same cold tone, her eyes burning with anger and hurt.

Regina didn't want to upset her any longer so she conceded defeat. She knew Emma and when she was this guarded, this angry, there was no point in trying to push her because she wouldn't open up. "Okay, I'll go for now, but I'll be back tomorrow," she said in a way that was supposed to be firm but sounded more desperate with a raspy throat and wet voice.

"Don't bother," Emma said dismissively.

"She's my daughter!" Regina said fervently, her emotions starting to get the best of her. For the first time, she saw a flash of something other than anger or hurt in Emma's eyes, something that looked a lot like yearning.

"I'm the only mother she knows," Emma spat back at her. "We've been alone all this time so don't come here telling me how she's your daughter when you don't even know her!" she hissed, the implication that Regina had left them alone unsaid but it might as well have been shouted to the skies.

Regina felt like she had just been slapped and she couldn't believe Emma would stoop so low just to hurt her. It was almost like when they first fought about Henry, only this time the roles where reversed, and that made a big difference in Regina's eyes.

"I didn't know! I didn't even know you were pregnant let alone that I _could_ get you pregnant! And how was I supposed to know you'd end up in a realm where time worked differently?!"

Emma looked suddenly so exhausted and so _hurt_ , as if she'd burned off all her anger quota for the day, that Regina couldn't help but feel defeated and heartbroken all over again and she knew for sure then that the conversation was over.

"I'm not getting into this with you today," Emma said tiredly. "Goodbye."

"Just tell me her name, then," Regina pleaded before Emma shut the door on her. "I deserve at least that."

Emma looked at her for a while, blank mask back on, before saying, "Victoria," and then she really did shut the door on Regina's face.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello :D Slightly later chapter than anticipated but...longer one so, good thing I hope!  
> Just a quick heads up, this story is solely from Regina's POV so the next three chapters will be Emma-less and full of angst. But I assure you Emma will start behaving more rationally soon :) thanks for reading and commenting!

Regina walked back home in a daze. Actually walked, disregarding how uncomfortable the thirty-minute trek would be in four-inch heels. She wanted to feel the pain on her toes, her feet, her calves, anywhere but the soul-crushing pain she was feeling in her chest. She would take any physical pain at the moment to distract her from that, yet nothing was working.

Her mind kept racing, each thought stepping over the other one until she was left with a splitting headache to add to her other ailments. It, also, failed in toning down the pain in her chest.

She had a _daughter_. A beautiful baby girl who she couldn't believe was real. How? That was the word popping in her head every few seconds, almost like a reprieve from the despair she was drowning in.

It shouldn't be possible, everyone knew it. Emma wasn't...she _felt_ like it, and sometimes Regina wished she was, sometimes she wanted the validation, the confirmation that the connection she felt towards her was real and no one would dare tear them apart, former Evil Queen or not. Other times though, she was glad she wasn't, glad that they had found each other despite fate, that they had found love even without being destined to it.

She was a conflicted mess and she knew it. She wanted to fight fate and make her own destiny as much as she wanted that guarantee, that perfect happy ending that everyone in the Enchanted Forest was always going on about. But she knew it wasn't in the cards for her. Two soulmates, two true loves; both dead. And, if she were being really honest with herself, only one of those had felt like the real deal.

Robin had been...a relief, at first. She'd ignored the pixie dust once and yet he showed up again. He was her second chance, her happily ever after, or so they said. But bury the feelings in denial as much as she wanted, she couldn't help but feel like she had gotten the short stick. Their relationship wasn't all sunshine and roses. She knew none really was, but she was expecting at least something more effortless, more natural, more passionate, more explosive. Just more.

Something eerily resembling what she had felt for Emma since almost the very beginning. The first time she saw her she felt a pull towards the other woman. Her heart beat faster and she could feel the draw instantly, but she chalked it up to her being a very attractive woman and them meeting in an incredibly stressful situation. Then she tried to take Henry away, or so she perceived it at the time, and she buried her attraction as deeply as she could. Admittedly, not very well considering most of their interactions.

Then the curse broke and Emma kept on defending her and believing in her for no apparent reason and those... _feelings_ just bloomed. Soon they were in Neverland trying to get Henry back and the desperation of it all led them somehow to seek comfort in each other's arms on a lonely night. They barely talked, just got enveloped in each other, taking each other in like a drowning man coming up for fresh air. It was all very primal and passionate and yet, Regina couldn't help the thought that popped into her mind that they weren't just having sex, that in their own twisted way they were making love.

It made her want to run away, and run she did, avoiding Emma like the plague for most of the rest of the trip. (And they said Emma was supposed to be the runner.) They never spoke about it, but Regina knew what she was giving up at the town line when Pan's curse was about to hit. And so her broken heart didn't even want to hear anything about this Robin Hood, supposed soulmate, when they were in the Enchanted Forest. Until eventually she began to doubt her feelings and she surrendered. Perhaps she had been wrong. She should give him a chance, trust fate for once and she'd get her happy ending.

She didn't. When Robin died she was devastated yes, but more because she'd lost her chance than because of the man himself. She should just accept it, villains don't get happy endings, no matter how reformed they get. And Emma, Emma was who she ran to to take some of that pain away.

It made it worse in many ways. She got confirmation that what she had with Robin was really not what she needed, she'd wasted her time and she'd lost her chance with Emma because she was with the pirate, and she wouldn't be the woman to make her leave him. So she ran again and settled for watching Emma from afar and taking every interaction between them and committing it to memory like an addict.

No one who ended up with her got their happy ending. They ended up dead. Or in this case, lost in another realm while pregnant with her baby.

How would Emma ever forgive her? How would she forgive _herself_?

Finally, _finally_ , after five years they were both happy. They had each other, they had their son. There was no pixie dust, no destiny, but there was love and they both felt it as real as ever. It was them, they made their choice and it was each other, over and over again.

Gods, why did this have to happen? It was always something with her, always a setback when she was at her happiest. Karma was a real bitch, she guessed, and she couldn't deny that for all the atrocities she committed she probably deserved it. She knew she was running on luck trying to defy fate with none other than the Savior. Apparently love made her blind enough to assume that they were invincible, inseparable. She should've known better.

Two flipping years. Her already crushed heart managed to put itself back together just to fall apart again whenever she thought of it. Two years that Emma had been alone gods knew where pregnant and then raising a baby by herself. _Their_ baby. She must have been so confused. Regina could only imagine what went through Emma's head when she found out she was pregnant. Even Regina would've had a hard time believing it was true, let alone her beloved who was still not used to "all this magic crap" as she was always saying.

Victoria. The name rang over and over in her head along with her beautiful little face and before she knew it she was home and she was crying so much her blouse was actually wet.

Her hands were shaking as she opened the door and she fumbled with her shoes, leaving them haphazardly on the floor and not even caring as she made her way up to her bedroom through choking sobs.

She was so deep in her head that she didn't even notice her house was packed, nor did she hear them approach her until she was halfway up the stairs and Henry's voice brought her back to reality.

"Mom?" he asked apprehensively, sounding as if he didn't know how to continue or what to say. She must have been a frightening sight indeed.

She looked at him briefly only to notice that not only was her sister there, which she should've expected, but also the Charmings, Mulan, and Tinker Bell. She averted her eyes immediately and muttered a quick excuse as she rushed up to her bedroom.

*

It was much later, she realized by the darkness in the room, that she heard a soft knocking on her door which woke her up, and she wondered when she'd fallen asleep. Though Regina wasn't surprised she had, because she literally had slept nothing in two days. Her face felt puffy from crying herself to sleep and her voice was raspy as she told whoever it was to leave her alone.

Undeterred, or he wouldn't be her son (or Emma's), Henry popped his head in the door and shot her a comforting smile as he walked in with a cup of tea in his hand. She couldn't even be angry at the blatant disregard for her wishes and was actually happy to see her son and get the comfort his company provided.

"I brought your favorite," he said with a sweet smile.

She gave him a watery smile in return and thanked him as she sat up on the bed and took a sip of the tea, feeling almost instantly a little bit better.

He plopped himself on the bed next to her and the two just sat quietly for a long time as Regina sipped her tea, head leaning into Henry's shoulders. Honestly, when had he become so grown? It felt wrong in a way, to take comfort from her son when she was sure he needed a mother right then, but she couldn't help and be glad that he would always be there for her as much as she was for him.

"Her name's Victoria," she said breaking the silence.

Henry smiled and said, "That's a pretty name. Sounds almost like something you would've chosen, not Ma."

Regina only hummed as she mentally agreed. The smallest bit of hope blossomed in her chest as she thought that maybe Emma had taken her preferences into consideration, maybe she didn't completely hate Regina. Maybe she had a chance.

Then she remembered angry and hurt eyes and scathing words and her hopes were crushed in an instant.

"Grandma and gramps have gone over to Ma's," Henry told her. "Aunt Zelena, Mulan and Tinker Bell are still here though."

She was surprised to hear about Mulan but she was glad she'd stayed. She wanted to know as much as possible about her trip and the other realm. Zelena she knew wouldn't leave her until she poured all her feelings out to her, which she would coax out of her with a bottle or two of wine. Tinker Bell though, Regina had a guess about why she had stayed.

Regina finished the rest of her tea and placed the mug down on her bedside table.

"Thank you, my darling," she said with an appreciative smile, "I think you should go to your mother's as well. She needs you more than I do right now, honey, and I'm sure you miss her."

Henry seemed conflicted at having to leave her in her clearly distraught state but she knew he understood that he wasn't the only one to miss Emma. It had only been two days for him, but she'd spent two years without him. Regina had barely managed to survive that one year of separation when he was in New York, she could only imagine what Emma went through.

"Okay," he replied with a firm head nod, "but I'll be back to see you tomorrow."

She refrained from saying she'd try her luck with Emma again the following day and instead nodded gratefully.

"Can you please ask Tinker Bell to come up, honey?"

"Sure mom, see you tomorrow," he replied and then gave her a tight hug and a kiss on her cheek before leaving.

She shook her head to shake away the feeling of loneliness as she realized that she'd be alone that night while her family was a whopping five-minute ride away, which, by the way Emma was acting, felt more like another realm altogether.


	5. Chapter 5

Tinker Bell came in soon after Henry left her and she sat where he had been without saying a word. Regina was looking at the wall instead of Tink but she could see from her peripheral vision how the fairy fidgeted anxiously, her fingers wrapping and unwrapping in what appeared to be an endless cycle.

They stayed in a tense silence for a long time until Tink finally cracked. "Regina... I don't understand," she said timidly.

Regina felt anger bubbling up inside her which she knew wasn't entirely directed at the fairy but at that moment she needed a target and she didn't really care. Her whole life had been turned upside down in the blink of an eye and she couldn't help but feel that Tink was partly to blame.

"Your pixie dust led me to Robin," she told Tinker Bell as she turned to face her, barely containing her anger.

Tink bobbed her head up and down and didn't seem to realize just how close she was to playing with fire when she spoke.

"Pixie dust is never wrong. The spell was true. Robin was your soulmate," she said with incredible confidence for someone who had apparently just been proved wrong.

"Then how do you explain this?" Regina exclaimed, no longer containing her anger. "How do you explain a daughter that is the spitting image of me?"

Tink pulled back a little while she fumbled with words, her expression completely at a loss.

"I... I don't know. It shouldn't be possible, Regina. I... Only true love with your soulmate can create a magical baby... Or at least that's what we all know," she said, her tone unsure. "But...but maybe you did some type of magic without noticing and it happened-"

"I did no such thing because, even if I weren't in complete control of my magic, we both know that that spell _doesn't exist_!" Regina spat back at her full of venom making the fairy flinch.

"I... Pixie dust never fails," she whispered shaking her head as if trying to convince herself more than Regina, but it was lacking conviction. "Robin was your soulmate."

" _Daniel_ was my soulmate!" Regina yelled, her face pure fury. That was the one thing Regina knew for sure and no one was going to try to tell her otherwise. "Your pixie dust gave me a replacement and now what? Am I supposed to have three soulmates? Are you fucking kidding me?!" she shouted in disbelief.

Tink was visibly taken aback by Regina's anger but she remained stubborn in her conviction. "Maybe Daniel wasn't-"

"He _was_!" Regina cut her off with a finality that made Tinker Bell shudder. "I know he was because the moment my mother ripped his her out and crushed it I felt all his pain, I felt like part of my soul and my heart was crushed too, like a part of me died that day."

Even just thinking back to that day made her heart feel like it was being stabbed. She had literally fallen sick afterward and couldn't leave her bed for days. When Robin died she hadn't been in nearly as much pain, and definitely not a physical one. It had hurt, devastatingly so, but Regina came to realize as time passed that the pain was mostly due to losing the last hope she had at finding someone who would love her. A hope given to her by that damned insect dust and its false promises. After all, who would love someone like her if they didn't know they were fated to be together? Who would accept her and her past without knowing beforehand that they didn't actually have much of a choice in the matter? (She knew the answer, but she couldn't go down that path just then.)

"Regina... I don't know how to explain this," Tinkerbell said with a shaky voice, tears running down her cheeks.

Regina just sat there and glared at the fairy while she tried to control her breathing.

"What I know..." Regina said as she forced herself to calm down, "What I know is that somehow Emma and I made an impossible baby which apparently could only mean one thing. And if it weren't for your stupid pixie dust we would've been together much sooner and none of this would've happened. Robin would still be alive and Roland would still have his father."

She might not have loved him like she did Emma but he was a good man and he probably would've lived had he not been forced into her life by some ridiculous fairy magic which she should've known better than to believe in. Her heart knew better, yet she chose to believe, desperately grasping for anything that could take away the pain and bring her her happy ending.

"You...you can't know that for certain. And if things hadn't happened the way they did this baby might not even have existed," Tink told her. Regina looked away then, knowing that it was true and, though she was still struggling to adjust to the idea of how she came to be, she would always want her daughter. "I know you might have wanted to have Emma with you from the beginning, but you can't tell me that you regret what happened because I know you would never regret this miracle baby."  
  
Yes, a miracle indeed.

"I can regret how it happened," she stated with resentment. "It should never have happened like this." Not with Emma stuck in a place without her, not with her missing her entire pregnancy and their daughter's whole life.

"You knowing she's your-"

"Don't even say it!" Regina raged. She couldn't handle it, not again. She couldn't handle believing only to have it taken away from her once again.

Tink gave her a look that was a mix of pity and understanding before slapping her hands on her thighs and saying, "Fine. You knowing this might happen would not have prevented it from happening anyways. Emma fell through a portal accidentally, no one could've known time would work differently there."

Regina took a shaky breath to control her emotions and then turned to Tink. "Please go. I need time to think and right now I can't stand the sight of you."

Tinkerbell sighed and stood up, looking completely confused and hurt.

"All I did was try to help you find your happiness, Regina."

"No," she said remarkably calm. "You interfered. You messed with fate and called it giving me a second chance."

"I was trying to save you!" Tink pleaded.

"Had you succeeded I wouldn't have had my son," Regina said vehemently. "My children," she corrected. Or Emma, she added to herself, though she might have lost her already and she shuddered at the thought.

Regina looked away, unable to stand the sight of the fairy coming undone before her without snapping at her again. Tink left then, seemingly defeated, though it didn't give Regina any satisfaction. She knew the fairy had good intentions and was a good friend, but it didn't negate the fact that all those good intentions had messed up her life, much like Snow had done.

When she was alone again she felt the tears she had strained to keep at bay flooding to the surface. She felt utterly alone and completely lost. Her girlfriend hated her and her daughter had no idea who she was or that she even existed.

She cried harder when she thought back to Tink's inability to explain how her daughter had been conceived. The only logical explanation wasn't logical at all, not with pixie dust's supposedly fail-proof magic leading her in the wrong direction for more than half her life. She couldn't let herself consider the possibility that Emma was her soulmate, she just couldn't go down that road again. It would be better for her sanity and the survival of her heart if she considered their daughter a miracle.

She was in excruciating pain which felt almost physical. She needed to be there, over at Emma's house with her family, yet she couldn't. She needed to make sure Emma was okay, which she knew for a fact she wasn't, but she wanted to make it better like she always tried to do. And she craved her comfort just as much. She missed touching her and just feeling the reassurance of Emma's simple touch in return. Even though it had only been a few days, she had missed her from the moment she fell through that god awful portal. She really needed to see something other than hate or hurt in those beautiful green eyes which had entranced her since they'd met.

And she had a visceral need to be with her daughter. She needed to know her, she needed Victoria to know who she was, that she loved her already and that she hadn't knowingly abandoned her, that she never would. She needed Emma to know that as well, though she wasn't even sure she'd be allowed past the door the following morning. But she'd be damned if she wasn't going to try.


	6. Chapter 6

  
Mulan was surprisingly still there by the time she made her way downstairs. A double take at her watch and she noticed it was almost midnight. The never ending day was almost over and she couldn't be gladder. First, though, she was going to seize the opportunity and talk to Mulan.

She walked quietly into the living room and it took a few seconds for Zelena and Mulan to hear her go in. Regina pretended not to notice their closeness as she had done for the last couple of months, ignoring the way Zelena's hand moved swiftly from Mulan's thigh. Zelena would tell her when the time came.

"Hey, sis," she said sweetly and a little nervously as Regina approached them. "How are you?"

"As well as can be expected," she answered truthfully with a barely repressed sigh, going to sit down across from them.

Zelena gave her an appraising look and an understanding smile. "I'm going to go check on Robyn and then head to bed," Zelena announced quickly, to which Regina gratefully nodded. Though Zelena had found a nice house in town, Regina knew they would spend the night at her house because her sister would not leave her alone with such turmoil going on in her life. Zelena was often a pain in the ass but she could also be surprisingly perceptive and considerate, which she really appreciated at that moment.

When Zelena left, Regina got up and moved to the sofa, placing herself nervously next to Mulan who shifted to face her.

"Your majesty-", Mulan started before she was interrupted.

"How many times have I asked you to call me Regina?" Regina asked with what she hoped was a soft and calming expression.

Mulan smiled at her and said, "Quite a few."

"Tell me everything," she asked. At Mulan's hesitation, she put up her hand to appease her and added, "Everything from your journey except what Emma wouldn't want you to tell me."

Mulan looked visibly relieved though still not relaxed. She really looked worse for the wear and Regina felt an immense wave of gratitude towards this honorable warrior who would do anything she had promised to do.

"How long has it been since you slept?" Regina asked gently.

Mulan gave her a rueful smile. "It was a dangerous place and I had two charges to find and protect. Emma and I slept in shifts."

"Let me guess. You always took first watch and let her sleep longer?"

"I made a promise to bring her safely back to you," she stated simply.

"And that you did and I will be forever grateful to you. You brought half of my family back to me," she said, her words choking up with fervent emotion. It was a debt she could never repay. "Now please, tell me."

So Mulan told her of how when she went through the portal that morning she had ended up in the middle of a vast forest and had had to track for days until she found a village. From there she had asked her way around until she finally found someone who had spoken to Emma almost two years previous. Mulan was shocked and thought they were mistaken but their description of Emma matched, which was when Mulan began to consider that, if she wasn't being deceived, time might work differently in that realm. From then she went from one person to another, leading her to this and that village, further and further away from the portal until, finally, she'd come across someone who was certain that the woman Mulan was looking for was a witch they called the White Swan who lived just outside a little village three days ride from where they were. By then she had bought a horse and made it to the village in two days, running herself and her poor steed to the limit. It had taken her three weeks but she finally found Emma, only to be shocked to see that she was caring for a little baby girl who she claimed was her daughter.

"Was she happy to see you?" Regina asked, her first interruption of the tale. It wasn't what she wanted to ask but she knew Mulan wouldn't answer her other questions.

"She was...angry to be honest. Extremely so," Mulan added with a faraway look as if she were reviving that very moment. "She said she'd waited for months in the same spot as the portal dropped her."

"The same forest you ended up on?" she questioned, her voice rising slightly as she remembered Mulan's description of the place.

"Yes."

Regina ran a desperate hand through her hair before muttering to herself, "Gods, she really is stubborn! She was pregnant and alone in a forest?!"

Mulan looked at her with sad eyes and said, "She was waiting for you, your majesty."

Regina couldn't say anything after that, her throat suddenly closed up with this ball of emotion she was fighting hard to swallow back down. Right then she wanted to rip her own heart out so it wouldn't hurt so much.

Mulan sensed the impact her words had had and continued her story.

"When I saw her and the baby was when it really hit me that while for us it was two days, for her it had truly been two years. I had been panicking for those three weeks before I found them, wondering just how on earth we were going to get back when the portal would've been long closed and we had no way of communicating, no magic beans. Then, when I realized how differently time worked, I hoped with everything I had that my weeks of traveling had only been a few minutes over here and that we could perhaps make it back in time and you'd still have the portal open."

"That was a lot of faith you put in me," Regina said with a mirthless chuckle.

Mulan gave her a forlorn smile. "Faith was all I had. And I had to have it for both Emma and me."

"She didn't believe you'd make it?" Regina asked, her heart clenching just imagining how lost Emma must have felt.

Mulan shook her head sadly. "I'd never thought I'd see the day when the Savior gave up hope but..."

"She was alone for two years," Regina finished for her, the words barely a whisper.

Emma was the strongest person she knew but even her Charming optimism would've taken a devastating hit in that situation. Her broken heart cracked even further but she pushed the pain as best as she could to the back of her mind. She could collapse back into despair later, right then she needed to know.

"Yes," Mulan said looking at her with eyes that confirmed all of Regina's fears. "We would've made it in less time if it were just the two of us, but with a baby, traveling takes longer... But Emma knew where the portal would be, so we took a shortcut and we actually made it in time."

Just in time, Regina added to herself, because she knew, even with her sister's powerful magic to help her keep the portal open, they wouldn't have been able to sustain it for much longer had they not come through it when they did.

"I can't actually believe nothing else came through that portal considering it was open on the other realm for so long," Regina noted as she considered the implications of an open portal on a foreign realm for two years.

"Oh yes," Mulan nodded in agreement, clearly happy they wouldn't have to deal with yet another magical creature. "Although, from what I gathered, there weren't any monsters in that forest, just a lot of outlaws."

That didn't actually make Regina feel any better. Emma could handle herself, sure, but knowing that she had stubbornly remained in a dangerous place while pregnant only told her how desperate she must have been for someone to rescue her. The feeling of failing her crept back up once more. If there was one thing they did was always save each other, even if it meant becoming the Dark One or absorbing a death curse.

She hated herself in that moment, no matter how many times she told herself that she couldn't have known. She should've worked harder, been there when Emma fell through that damned portal so she could jump right in after her. She should've been better.

"You didn't know, Regina," Mulan said, reading her mind. She hesitantly put her hand over Regina's, clearly uncomfortable with physical contact but trying to comfort her nonetheless.

"It doesn't change anything, does it?" Regina asked, sorrowful. "She was alone, my daughter grew up without me, probably without even knowing I exist. I wasn't good enough."

Mulan looked like she wanted to say something then but changed her mind and settled for, "You did your best."

"Yeah. I wish it were enough."


	7. Chapter 7

  
The following day, as she made her way to Emma's house, she was a walking mess of apprehension, dread, heartbreak and just the tiny amount of excitement to make her get out of her house and try to talk to Emma. And see Victoria. She really needed to see her daughter again, properly this time.

Zelena had given her a pep talk that morning, after a long night of mostly listening to her cry her heart out (after Regina crawled into her big sister's bed like she was five) and offering what little comfort she could. It helped, really. She never knew how much she missed out on by not having her sister growing up but she was extremely glad they had found each other and had gotten over their problems. Well, for the most part. Sometimes she still wanted to strangle Zelena, but that was part of having a sister.

So she found herself knocking on Emma's door again, with a bit more confidence than she had the previous day, and just enough courage to face the potentially murderous glares she would receive.

Sure enough, Emma answered the door and, had she not been prepared for this possible scenario, she might have cowered before her hateful glare.

"I think I remember telling you not to bother coming back," Emma said in an icy tone that was so unlike her it was as if Regina were facing a stranger.

"And I told you I would," she replied firmly. Where she got the strength she wasn't sure, but she had to roll with it. "We need to talk, and I want to see Victoria."

Emma looked as if she were going to protest but decided against it. Maybe sending Henry over the previous night had really helped, Regina thought.

Emma opened the door and moved to the side to let Regina in. "You can see her, but we're not gonna talk."

"Emma, you can't avoid me forever," she told her, barely keeping the frustration and hurt form her voice.

"Pretty sure I can," Emma replied without even making eye contact.

Regina took a deep breath to calm herself and decided to take what she was given and not fight Emma on this. She would talk to her eventually, she knew it. Emma might have been really hurt and angry at that moment but she was not a vindictive person. Regina knew her girlfriend (was she still her girlfriend? Mother of her children; at least of that she was still sure), she had to give her time to calm down and then she would try again. For the moment, her priority would have to be her daughter.

"Where is she?"

"Upstairs, playing with Henry," she replied, and a small smile slipped through her mask.

"May I go upstairs or-"

"I'll bring her down," she said cooly, before going upstairs without another word.

Regina felt like a fish out of water. She'd been so comfortable in that house once, with Emma and Henry making it feel like her second home. But at that moment she just felt like a stranger who didn't know if she should wait in the hall or go to the living room.

She decided on the latter and made her way over to the couch, sitting on it a bit stiffly but she couldn't help it. It would've been funny, were it not so painful, to see how quickly things had changed between her and Emma. Well, quickly for her at least. Gosh, the whole situation was just such a mess!

She heard a cluster of feet walking down the stairs followed soon by Henry's joyful smile as he made his way over to her and gave her a hug.

"Mom! I'm so happy you're here! Oh, she is _so_ cute, she's like a mini you! I still can't believe I have a sister!" he rambled at lightning speed

Regina choked up at the words and the image in her head of her two children getting along. "She's lucky to have you as a big brother," she told him with a smile which made him swell up with pride.

A little giggle made her look up from Henry's embrace and she let go so she could finally see her daughter up close. It had frustrated her to no end for the whole night that she hadn't even gotten a good look at her baby girl the previous day because Victoria had been so scared she had spent most of the time with her face hidden in Emma's neck.

She was finally seeing her though, and oh! she was so beautiful. She had Emma's big round eyes, though the color was exactly like Regina's, and Emma's fair complexion and nose. The rest was all mini Regina though, Henry was right, down to her dark brown hair which fell down in little ringlets. Before she knew it she was tearing up and she wanted nothing more than to go over and envelop her in a tight hug and never let her go, but she knew she had to tread lightly. She was a stranger to her own daughter after all.

"Mommy!" Victoria said excitedly as she pointed to Regina.

Or maybe not. Regina's face must have been priceless with her mouth hanging open and dear caught in the headlights eyes, but she was in complete shock. _How on earth_?

She looked up at Emma who was blushing for some reason and trying to keep the now wriggling toddler in her arms until she apparently gave up and put her down. Victoria wobbled up excitedly and made her way to Regina who crouched down to her hight, still feeling utterly perplexed.

Her little girl seemed to get a bit shy at the sudden proximity, holding the hem of her new dress in her hands and taking a few steps back. She looked back to Emma, who made her way over to her.

"She's not used to strangers," Emma said offhandedly.

Regina ignored the knife piercing her heart at the truth of that statement and focused her attention back to her daughter.

"Hey, little princess," she cooed with a smile she had previously only reserved for Henry.

Once Victoria felt the security of her mother behind her she giggled again and squeaked "Mommy!"

It was one of the most unusual sensations Regina had ever felt at the same time. On the one hand, her heart expanded with so much love for this beautiful little girl, she wanted to do nothing more but just hold her in her arms. On the other, Emma's whole body language was so defensive and her words so icy it was little getting her heart broken on repeat.

She looked up to see Henry eyeing them with a mix of wonder and joy and she immediately felt more at ease. She could do it. She could make her way back into her family.

"Yes, my little princess, I'm your mommy," she said with a face-splitting smile, choosing to ignore Emma shuffling with unease. "May I hold her?" she asked, looking up at Emma. It felt wrong having to ask, but she didn't want to overstep and cause Emma to retreat back into protective mama bear mode.

Emma gave her a curt nod while her face flashed with a myriad of conflicting emotions.

"Can I pick you up, Victoria?" she asked her daughter gently, holding out her arms just enough so it wouldn't scare her.

She seemed apprehensive at first but then Emma (and Regina didn't know if her heart could take any more twists) bent down next to her and told her, "It's okay Vee, she's your mommy and she misses you."

Which was the absolute truth. She missed her daughter so much it actually hurt, even though she'd only met her the previous day. She'd missed her whole life as well which still felt like a knife to her chest.

Emma's comment gave her the tiniest bit of hope that perhaps not all was lost between them.

With Emma's reassurance, her little princess walked forward with a shy but beautiful smile and let herself be picked up. Regina wasted no time in hugging her and taking her in, the feel of her in her arms, her scent, her warmth. She couldn't stop smiling as she whispered sweet words in Victoria's ear which made her giggle.

With tears in her eyes, she went to sit down on the couch and put her on her lap. Henry took the seat next to her and Emma sat uncomfortably on an armchair across from them, constantly keeping her eyes on their daughter, a flicker of emotions crossing her face before she schooled her features into a neutral mask. She was back to wearing her regular clothes and for a moment Regina got a flashback to the guarded orphan who'd made her way into Storybrooke almost five years before.

"How old is she?" Regina asked cautiously.

"Just over a year and a half," Emma replied, and for the first time, there was a hint of something other than aloofness or anger in her words.

"You're such a big girl, my little princess."

Regina ignored the pain she felt when doing the math in her head, realizing that Emma must have been at least a couple months pregnant three days before. Or two years, from Emma's perspective. She wondered if Emma knew already or if she found out there. She also wondered if she would've believed the baby was hers had she not seen Victoria, considering how her brain was still arduously ignoring the reality of how it was possible for them to make this miracle baby.

Regina spent the rest of their time together mostly in awe and taking it all in, watching as her little girl began to open up and she discovered that she was actually quite talkative, was starting to completely idolize Henry, giggled whenever she was nervous or excited and, probably best of all, was perfectly content to let Regina snuggle her for more than an hour until Emma announced it was her nap time.

Regina didn't want to leave her family and she had a million and one questions but she decided she could wait and took the hint that that was the most Emma was willing to put up with her in one go, so she got up to leave.

"I'll come back again tomorrow, my little princess," she told Victoria as she hugged her tight and passed her on to Emma's arms. Their hands brushed for a moment and she had to fight hard not to react to the sudden rush of feelings threatening to overtake her self-control. So she took a shaky breath, kissed her son goodbye and walked herself out, content that, at least, Emma hadn't protested about her return.


	8. Chapter 8

The following morning she found herself walking towards Emma's house with just a little bit more confidence and hope than she had the previous day. She had texted Emma that she would be going but, as expected, she got no reply. She phoned Henry and told him to let his mother know, just in case Emma hadn't even bothered reading Regina's text.

She rang the bell that time, knowing that her daughter would be awake. She wasn't exactly surprised Henry opened the door, though she did feel a bit hurt when the thought that Emma could have purposefully gone away just to avoid seeing her crossed her mind.

"Hey, Mom!" Henry smiled at her as he moved to the side to let her in.

"Hello, sweetheart. Are you alone?" she asked with her brows furrowed as she looked into the living room and found it empty.

"Nope, Vee made a mess during breakfast so Ma is upstairs getting her cleaned up," he told her as they made their way into the living room to sit down.

"Vee, is it?" she teased him.

Henry smiled and shrugged. "Victoria is kind of big name for a baby that small."

Regina laughed for what felt like the first time in ages and Henry laughed with her. "It's a pretty name. I think I'll pass on the nicknames."

"I would think you'd been replaced by someone other than my mother if you didn't," he said with a smirk that was all hers.

Regina chuckled and replied with a "Touché."

She heard footsteps coming down the stairs and Victoria's non-stop babbling and she felt a flutter of excitement as she waited to see her precious girl.

Emma came into the living room holding their daughter in her arms and Regina's heart sunk as she saw Emma's smile disappear and her blank mask going up. It was a transformation she wished she could never see again.

Victoria squealed in excitement and wiggled anxiously until Emma put her down, immediately running to Regina with her little wobbly legs and shouting "Mommy, mommy, mommy!" with the biggest smile on her face and her arms up.

Regina's heart melted straight away and she returned the grin, bending down to pick her little girl up and wrap her in a tight hug. Victoria giggled as Regina plastered her with kisses and tickled her little belly.

"Mommy missed you so much, my little princess!"

She was so wrapped up in her daughter that she barely registered Emma saying she'd be in the kitchen, but her detached tone did sync in, threatening to pop her happy bubble.

Victoria was babbling excitedly, wanting to show Regina her new toys and her new pretty clothes. Regina nodded along enthusiastically and smiled at her while raising a questioning brow to Henry, who had remained with them in the living room.

"Ma has gotten really good with magic," he said nonchalantly as if that were any explanation. Regina kept her inquisitive brow up until he shrugged and said, "Well, she didn't really have any of that baby stuff for Vee and she didn't want to go shopping with everyone staring and gossiping, so she just...magicked it up."

"You mean to say," she started dubiously, "that your mother, who was just starting to get proper control over her magic and learning basic spells, managed to conjure up a crib, toys, clothes and whatever else for your sister?"

"Yup," he replied with a shrug as if it were no big deal.

Regina had so many questions at that moment but Victoria was demanding her attention so she sat down on the floor to play with her baby girl and put those questions to the back of her mind.

Too soon, Emma returned to the room and announced it was Victoria's nap time. Regina was startled to realize that they'd been playing for two hours and it was still not enough. She didn't just want snippets of time with her daughter, she wanted to be there always, with her and the rest of her family.

To her credit, their daughter didn't protest when Emma picked her up and she gave a little yawn and cuddled into Emma's arms affectionately. It made Regina yearn even more.

For some reason, Emma didn't kick her out before she went upstairs, and there was no way Regina was going to miss the opportunity to possibly speak to her so she stayed around, talking to Henry while she waited for Emma to return.

She was glad it was summer vacation and Henry got to spend his time with Emma and bonding with his sister. If Emma refused to talk to her for long (which just thinking about it made her heart hurt) they would have to come up with some sort of arrangement for spending time with the children, but at the moment she was trying to stay positive and hopeful that Emma would speak to her soon.

Eventually, Emma came back down but went straight to the kitchen, barely giving Regina a second glance. Regina gave Henry a meaningful look and kissed the top of his head as she made her way over to the kitchen, his whispered "Good luck" tugging at her heart.

"I'm still not up for talking," Emma stated firmly as she heard Regina's footsteps, her back to her while she prepared lunch. It smelled really good. Clearly having to fend for herself and their daughter for two years had improved Emma's culinary skills.

Regina pushed down her own hurt at Emma's continued iciness towards her and tried a different tactic.

"Yesterday, how did Victoria know straight away who I was?"

Emma stilled at that, her back straightening up so much she looked like a statue. She was silent for a long time, so long Regina thought she wouldn't get an answer.

"I...I had my wallet with me when I went through the portal."

Regina took a moment to process until it clicked, the memory flashing from months before. A blushing Emma had asked Regina for a portrait of her, saying how she liked to keep a photo of her family in her wallet.

The realization made Regina's heart melt with love and twist painfully at the same time. Emma had shown their daughter photos of her, of their family. Photos because she didn't have anything better, she didn't have them.

Still, it gave her hope that Emma's anger was mostly her trying not to show how hurt she truly was. Not that her girlfriend being in such pain was any better but...pain like that usually came from caring too much. Regina would know. And if she'd shown their baby photos of her it probably meant she still cared, even after she'd lost hope.

A dizzy spell came over her and she fumbled for a seat, clutching her hands tightly to the island and flopping herself on the stool. The constant whirlwind of emotions for the past few days was taking a toll on her.

Emma noticed her movements and she turned around, concern showing for a brief moment before she schooled her featured back into that mask Regina hated so much she wanted to rip it right off.

"I thought she wouldn't even know she had another parent," Regina managed to say, but she was immensely grateful that Emma had done that for her.

Emma looked shocked before anger flared and a part of Regina couldn't help to be happy with a show of real emotions.

"How could you even think I would do that?!" she hissed with narrowed eyes. "Every kid deserves to know their parents, even if they abandoned them," she added and it was like a punch to the face. Only she'd actually been punched by Emma before and this was much worse.

Regina's voice was pained, her control starting to slip as she whispered, "Emma...I would _never_. I spent-"

"Yeah, so you've said," Emma cut her off curtly. "It doesn't change anything doesn't it?"

Suffering a thousand cuts and then being dumped in alcohol would have probably hurt less than that. Regina chocked back a sob, the feeling of failing her love sinking deeply within her.

She had to do something to make Emma understand. She had to find a way to reason with her but she wasn't sure how to.

"Emma, I get that you're hurting but-"

"No. No, you don't," Emma cut her off again, turning around to switch off the stove and then back to face Regina again, her palms slamming hard on the island's countertop. "I was alone Regina, _again_. I got pregnant without planning to, _again_. And then I was abandoned, while pregnant, trapped with nowhere to go, _again_!" Emma raged, her voice rising with each stab she inflicted on Regina, and she was almost as shocked to hear Emma say her name for the first time in what felt like an eternity as she was at the sudden outburst. "Then I had to raise a baby, all by myself, in a foreign land, only to be reminded of you every time I looked at her 'cause she's your freaking spitting image!"


	9. Chapter 9

She couldn't put into words the amount of pain Emma's angry tirade had caused her. Her barely mended heart was torn all over again for the both of them and she felt tears running down her cheeks when she had neither the energy nor the capacity to stop them. All of Emma's deepest fears had been resurfaced because of her. She failed her, she failed her love and she didn't know what else to do except choke out a whispered "Emma..." as if it were a plea (to what she wasn't sure, she just wanted to take away that look of pain in Emma's eyes).

"No! You were supposed to always be there for me! You were the one who would never leave!" Emma yelled and tears were also starting to well up in her eyes.

Regina had the faint awareness of a soundproofing spell being put up and the part of her brain which wasn't drowning in sorrow couldn't help but admire this broken woman in front of her who still managed to think about heir children amongst the tornado of emotions she was feeling.

"But I was all alone for _two years_ and where were you, Regina? I saved you countless times, I became the fucking Dark One for you even when you were still with Robin! But where were you for the last two years of my life?! Where were you when I realized I was pregnant and couldn't understand how the fuck it had happened? Where were you when my water broke in the middle of the fucking medieval ages and I was in pain for hours? Where were you when the woman helping me told me the baby was side breached and she had to turn the baby or she would die inside me and me probably with her? Where were you when I needed someone to hold my hand through all that fear and pain? _Where were you_?!" She yelled, tears flowing freely down her cheeks as she finally let go of her mask and bared her feelings.

And it hurt. It hurt so damn much to hear what Emma had gone through, to know how much pain she had been in and that she hadn't been there, she couldn't have done anything. It hurt almost as much to face the underlying accusations from her partner, to know that she had believed Regina would stay away from her by choice, that she could dismiss all their history and create a world in which Regina wouldn't drop everything for her. To realize that she was holding on to that anger so fiercely even after knowing the truth.

She was stunned silent by Emma's ferocity, couldn't do anything except sob and wish she could wake up from this nightmare. But she couldn't, and Emma wasn't done yet.

"I was all alone. _Again_. I had to nurse her and change her and take care of her and protect her all by myself and where were you, Regina?" she asked with despair before she composed her face again and icily said, "You were supposed to be by my side for all of that but you left me," she finished with a twist of the blade and it hurt so much it was actually physical.

"Emma..." She had no idea how to make it better, how to take Emma's pain away and it crushed her heart to see the tears of sorrow in her lover's eyes. But she had to try. "Gods, I am so, so sorry you went through all that alone but you have to know, I would've been there if I could! I was trying to get to you as fast as I could when I had no idea where you'd ended up. There was no way I could have know time worked differently and you have to know that. I was trying, honey, I didn't leave you! I would _never_ leave you."

Emma actually flinched at the term of endearment that slipped through Regina's mouth and she sneered at her with a disbelieving huff. "Right, like you didn't leave after Neverland and pretended nothing happened? Like you didn't leave after Robin?"

She had forgotten how cruel Emma could get when she was really hurt, but she thought they were past that. "How can you even say that? You know I'm sorry for that, I apologized countless times! We've been through this. I was foolish and scared but you said you forgave me, why are you even bringing this up again?"

"Because you left me again!" Emma screamed at her.

"I didn't-"

"To me you did," she cut her off with finality, her mask going back up as she tried to regain control. "To me, it was two years accepting the fact that I was abandoned. Yet again. You can't just expect me to act as if that didn't happen."

Regina took a shuddering breath because yes, no matter her own feelings, she understood. Emma had spent months in that forest as her belly grew bigger waiting for someone to go get her back. No, not just someone. She was waiting for _Regina_. And then she spent the rest of the time trying to accept the fact that no one would go. She could just imagine the dark thoughts that must have gone through Emma's head, her orphan mind making her believe that she wasn't worth keeping. That damn realm and it's stupid time concept effectively undoing all the progress Emma had made, all the effort Regina had put into making sure Emma knew that she was loved and wanted and that Regina and Henry were her forever family.

With another shaky breath, she wiped her cheeks and tried to control her tears and looked up at Emma pleadingly.

"Darl- Emma...I have apologized and explained and none of it seems to be enough, so please, tell me what I can do."

Emma was visibly confused as she asked, "What?"

"I've been apart from you for five days and it's killing me. For you, it's been two years and you believed I abandoned you so I'm guessing you moved on," at the flicker of pain that crossed Emma's face she felt a flutter of hope and reconsidered, "or maybe not. But either way, you're hurting and I can't stand it. So, please, tell me what I can do. How can I get us back? Do you need me to keep apologizing for something that's not even my fault? Because, for you, I will. I'll do it. You need me to beg? I can do that, too. But I don't know for how much longer I can take you lashing out at me for something I didn't do without making some kind of progress. So just...what do you need from me?"

Emma was silent for a long time, looking at Regina as if trying to reach inside her soul. Finally, she took a deep breath, her hands shaking on the island counter as she said, "Give me time."

Regina could only manage a nod, the bubble of hope in her chest threatening to overwhelm her. Emma maintained her stoic face but there were new layers in her eyes, something beyond the pain and anger that looked a lot like longing. Or so Regina hoped.


	10. Chapter 10

She had woken up a few days later to a text from Emma telling her to meet them at the park for a picnic during lunch, which was where she was headed.

She still couldn't actually believe Emma had texted her or that she'd purposefully invited Regina to an outing with their children, instead of waiting for what was becoming Regina's morning ritual of showing up at her house.

The last few days had been remarkably peaceful, albeit still incredibly awkward and painful. But there were no angry glares, no shouting, no scathing remarks. Though in all fairness, that was probably because Regina was literally doing what Emma told her by giving her time and they barely spoke to each other besides the usual formalities, instead focusing all their attention on their children.

As she got to the park she felt uncharacteristically nervous, and she guessed most of it was because she had only been interacting with Emma and Victoria indoors, away from prying eyes and inevitable gossip. At the park tough, everyone would get a glimpse of their new family and Regina and Emma's relationship status. Which she wasn't actually sure what it was in that moment, but, for the townsfolk, the Savior dating the Evil Queen had been the hottest gossip in decades. She'd been accosted by prying people every time she got out of her house and it got so bad she actively avoided Granny's and anywhere else where someone might think it appropriate to ask her about her sex life. Not that they cared much about propriety anyway.

With a quick scan, she was happy to find Emma sitting on a blanket under a tree while Henry ran around chasing after his little sister. A joyful smile formed on her lips as she looked at her two children and how well they were getting along. And gosh, sometimes she still had trouble wrapping her brain around the fact that she went from one child to two all of a sudden, of how her heart just seemed to make space so seamlessly for one more with the same amount of love for each of them.

She walked over and Henry quickly spotted her, waving at her with a smile. Victoria followed her bother's line of sight and immediately brightened with joy when she saw Regina, running to her as fast as her little legs would allow her and wrapping her little arms around her mother's legs.

"Mommy! Up! Up!" her little one demanded, raising her arms up towards Regina.

She laughed and picked her up giving her a tight hug and kiss on her cheek which made her giggle.

"Well hello, my little princess," she cooed with a smile. "Someone's happy today."

"Vee 'n Hen'y p'ay!" she exclaimed excitedly.

"I saw! You're a very fast runner, sweetheart," Regina said, making Victoria smile with pride. Henry came to her with his usual smile and she gave him a kiss while Victoria looked at them with a mix of happiness and jealousy with amused her to no end. "Now off you go, back to chasing Henry," she told her as she put her down. She laughed again as her daughter was quick to obey and went wobbling towards Henry who had sprinted ahead.

Her heart warming with love, she made her way towards the blanket, a new type of nervousness making her compulsively straighten her impeccable clothes and run her fingers through her flawless hair.

Emma was sitting in what looked like a peaceful position but as Regina made her way closer she could sense her agitation. It was like she was on constant alert, keeping an eye on everything and everyone at once and whenever Victoria went too far away or some stranger got close she tensed up immediately.

"Hey," Regina said softly as she sat down on the blanket, glad she had thought to wear comfortable clothes - which in her case were black slacks and a loose fitting blouse. Comfortable but classy. She'd done it with Henry, Victoria would be no different.

"Hi," Emma replied curtly.

Regina was debating on whether to comment on Emma's behavior or not but threw caution to the wind.

"You know she's perfectly safe, right? Henry is running after her and both of us have magic."

Emma tensed up and replied without looking at her, "I know that."

She was still tense though, and Regina was beginning to wonder why she'd wanted to go to the park in the first place if it made her so agitated.

"It's just...we lived in a dangerous place," she stated nonchalantly, Regina's heart twisting painfully every time something like that was mentioned. "She's used to being outdoors, that's why I brought her here, but I used to just put up a protection spell and let her run around in the garden. Besides, not many people ventured up to our house unless they were looking for help."

It was the most she had gotten out of Emma about their life in the other realm and for a moment Regina looked like a fish out of water until she regained her composure and decided to take the opportunity.

"Mulan mentioned that she found you because you were a known witch..."

Emma finally turned to her and gave an indecipherable look. She hummed and said, "Yeah. Not a lot of witches in that area, it was easy to be known."

"They called you the White Swan?" Regina teased with a raised eyebrow. She was playing with fire and she knew it but she was reveling in this newfound openness and she wanted to drink it all up until the well dried up on her.

Emma chuckled, and dear lord had she missed that sound. Her heart was feeling all sorts of things and she had to take a deep breath to keep her cool.

"Yeah...uhm, not exactly my choice. Lenora thought it would sound mysterious and attract clients," she told her with a rueful smile, eyes back on their children.

"Lenora?"

"Oh, she...she was like a protector-slash-mentor-slash-friend, I guess. She took me in when I was pregnant and, uh, explained to me how it had happened and helped me with my magic and with giving birth to Vee," Emma answered, still avoiding eye contact.

Regina had too many questions but decided to focus on one. Admittedly, probably the one she wouldn't get an answer to, but she had to know.

"How did she explain your pregnancy?" Regina asked her gently, basically crossing her fingers for Emma not to close up.

Emma looked at her intently and said without room for questioning, "You're not ready to know yet."

Regina ignored the loud voice in her head that made her want to shake Emma and yell that she'd be the one to decide what she was and wasn't ready for and instead took a breath and asked her next question.

"So she taught you how to control your magic? Is that how you've become so good at it?"

Emma's reply came in the form of a hum as she kept a vigilant eye on the children.

"And you decided to...what? Open your little magic shop or something?

Emma snorted and replied, "Yeah, something like that."

Jesus Christ, it was like pulling teeth! Couldn't the woman just give her some straightforward answers?

"Gods, Emma, I'm trying to know about your life over there, you could at least help me out," she told her, annoyance barely contained in her tone.

"I invited you so you could spend time with your children, not to play twenty questions" she snarked, making Regina wince.

Emma looked at her and must have seen some of the hurt Regina was failing to hide because she sighed and said, "Sorry. Yes, Lenora taught me a lot. You were right once, I learn the best when I, or someone I love, is in danger, and I had extra motivation to learn," she said with a nod towards their daughter. "Lenora had a different type of magic than mine, or even yours, but she said the same principles applied. She had clients that came to her for help and that's how she made a living and she suggested I do the same. She helped get the word out and, slowly, I got a steady flow of clients which helped put food on the table. It wasn't glamorous living," she said derisively. "It was me, and later Vee, in a little cabin just outside a small village. Lenora lived close by and she visited often. At the time I felt that, if I was abandoned by my family, at least I had a friend and a home for my daughter, so it wasn't too bad."

"Emma-"

"Save it, Regina. I don't want pity and I don't want to hear again how you didn't abandon me," she huffed, running a hand through her hair. "I know that now, I'm just telling you what it was like at the time like you asked."

Emma's jaw set hard, the conversation clearly over for the moment and, with a shaky breath, Regina mumbled a resigned "Okay" and tried her damnedest to focus on their children.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

The rest of the day went by without much commotion. Emma closed up again and Regina was still absorbing all the new information Emma had volunteered. She would get the rest of the story, she told herself, she'd just have to be patient.

They ate while talking and laughing with their kids, looking like a normal, happy family from the outside. For a few instances Regina could almost fool herself into believing the illusion, but then Emma would keep her distance and avoid talking to her directly and reality hit her in the face like a brick.

By the time they were ready to go home, Regina offered to walk them and took Emma's silence for acceptance. Henry was in a talkative mood but Victoria had gotten so tired she fell asleep in her stroller.

"Mom, can I go sleep at yours tonight?" Henry asked out of the blue. He'd been staying with Emma for almost a week so Regina was happy to spend some time with him but she wasn't sure how Emma would feel.

Sensing her hesitation, Emma stepped in with a smile directed at their son.

"Probably tired of waking up with this little ball of energy every morning, huh kid?" Henry looked panicked until Emma laughed and said, "It's okay kid, I'm sure you miss your mom, I was just messing with you."

Regina looked at Emma and she knew that face. It was a face she'd seen many times in the mirror when Henry would be over at Emma's and she missed him dearly. Her heart hurt for Emma but at the same time, she couldn't put that much pressure on her son so she smiled at him and told him of course.

"What about Vee? Are we both gonna be going back and forth like before you two got together?"

Oh, so that was his angle. She'd have to smack his sneaky little head when they got home.

Emma tensed immediately and halted her steps, her grip so firm on the stroller that her knuckles had turned white.

"Henry..." Regina said in a warning voice. "Your mother and I haven't discussed anything yet and Victoria has already had a shock by adapting to a new world, she doesn't need her life changing so drastically so soon."

It was reasonable, she told herself, it was what good mothers did. They put their children first even if it pained them. She desperately hoped that she and Emma could go back to what they used to be before Victoria was ready to start sleeping over at her house, and she most especially hoped that that never had to happen, that they could all be together in one home like the family they used to be.

Emma shot her a grateful look and said, voice rough, "Vee has never spent a night apart from me."

"Oh," Henry said as he looked down in shame. "Sorry, Ma."

"It's okay kiddo, you're trying to look after both your moms," she told him with a smile so fake it looked like it hurt.

*

With Henry in his room reading his comic books and Robyn finally down for the night, Regina and Zelena settled in the living room with a glass of wine each. She was really happy her sister had stayed with her that week, her presence helping to keep the loneliness at bay. Of course, any time Regina said anything remotely sappy and grateful Zelena would tease her to no end.

Zelena took a sip of wine and eyed Regina intently before saying, "The two love fools came by this afternoon."

Regina couldn't contain an eye roll and made a disapproving sound.

Her sister laughed and said, "So I take it you're still avoiding them?"

"I may not be the Evil Queen anymore but that doesn't mean I have the patience for Snow when she's being an idiot," she huffed. "I put up with her and David's stupid questions once, I don't have the time or the inclination to do so again."

The day after Emma and Victoria had come back, she'd gone from Emma's house after meeting her daughter straight to her office, hoping that work would distract her enough from the commotion that had been her brain. She definitely wasn't expecting Snow and David to be waiting for her and she was quick to send them on their way when they began pestering her again about her relationship with Emma.

"Snow was pouting," Zelena told her with a wicked laugh. "She says Emma is also avoiding her."

"She can act as childishly as she wants," Regina replied with a tired sigh. "I already have to worry about my relationship with Emma and getting to know my daughter, I don't need any more drama in my life at the moment."

Zelena gave her a sympathetic look and asked softly, "How's that going?"

"Today Henry asked if Victoria would be coming to sleep here," at her sister's raised brow she continued, "Emma almost had a panic attack. I had to chastise Henry and tell him we haven't discussed custody yet. We haven't even discussed our relationship," she finished with a trembling voice.

Zelena shifted towards her so she could hold her hand in a comforting gesture.

"I miss her, Zelena. I miss her so damn much it hurts. And I miss her, even more, when she's sitting right across from me and it's like we're strangers. She's still so angry, so hurt..." she angrily wiped a tear from her cheek, annoyed at herself for still breaking down every time she let herself dwell on the subject.

Zelena gave her an understanding gaze and said, "She'll come around, dear."

"She feels like I abandoned her. She's been abandoned too many times already," Regina shook her head. sorrowfully.

"Yes, but you didn't. She must know it's not your fault."

"She does," Regina agreed sadly, "But it still takes time though. She spent two years thinking I did."

"Well, if she keeps behaving like a wounded puppy I'll more than happily shake some sense into that blonde little head of hers, get rid of those Charming idiocy genes," Zelena teased, eliciting the intended chuckle from her sister.

"She opened up a bit to me today though, told me some things about the other world" Regina said, a small smile blossoming in her lips.

Her sister returned the smile saying, "See, not all is lost yet. You'll get her back. If there is one thing our family has in spades it's persistence. Not always a good thing," she said as an afterthought in that aloof way of hers, "but seeing as this is all about getting your love back and yadda yadda, yawn, barf, you should be thankful for it!"

A playful pillow to Zelena's face later and both of them were laughing like children. It took Regina's face muscles complaining to realize she hadn't laughed like this since that damned portal, but she was immensely thankful for the moments of blissful relief from her current problems.

 


	12. Chapter 12

The following day Regina opened her front door on her way to work and she came face to face with Emma pacing on her front porch while Victoria played quietly on the lawn, so enthralled by something she didn't even look up.

Completely shocked, her brain short-circuited and she only managed a barely coherent, "Uh... I... We were on for this afternoon, right?"

Emma had stopped her pacing and stood there looking conflicted, her lower lip close to bleeding judging by how hard she was biting on it.

"Yeah, I... Sorry. Hum... Snow showed up at my house and pretty much cornered me, so I told her Vee and I had to come over to yours," Emma told her apologetically, her hands fidgeting and she looked like she was about to change her mind at any second and turn around to leave. Which Regina just couldn't let happen.

"No, that's perfectly fine," she quickly told her with a reassuring smile. "I can definitely understand the need to run away from your mother."

Emma gave her a mirthless chuckle and added, "Yeah... She's just...too much."

Regina hummed and stood there for a moment appraising Emma and thinking how cute she looked when she was all fumbling words and scratching feet. Her brain was finally recovering from the shock and she couldn't help but interpret Emma voluntarily going over to her house as a sign of progress so she decided to act like she used to around her girlfriend (former girlfriend? God she hoped not).

"Well, I can't promise she won't come here," Regina told her with a smirk. "She came over yesterday but luckily we were at the park and she had to deal with Zelena."

Emma's eyes got wide for a moment and it would've been comical had she not looked so panicked. "She... _what_?"

"Hmm, she's kind of been harassing me to talk to her since last Saturday," Regina said with a small shrug.

"Jeez, the woman won't give up!"

"Tell me about it," Regina agreed with an eye roll.

"And...uh...Zelena, she's been around?" Emma asked awkwardly, though why Regina couldn't figure out.

"Yes. She's been staying over this week," she replied simply, looking into Emma's eyes to try to read her. She could only discern slight panic, the reason still going over her head.

"Oh. Uhm, maybe I should go then if she's still here," she said turning her body to leave.

Panicked by the idea of Emma leaving when she finally went over voluntary and actually looked like she wanted to stay, it propelled Regina to burst out a slightly high pitched "Why?"

Emma shuffled her feet uncomfortably averting her eyes. "It's just... I haven't really seen anyone besides my parents and Mulan since I came back and...she's your sister," she finished with a shrug.

Regina looked at her with her brows furrowing in confusion. "Yes, dear, I'm aware she's my sister."

"I just... can't deal with questions at the moment or...," she said without finishing her train of thought.

"Judgement?" Regina guessed.

Emma shrugged her shoulder in response, mumbling an almost inaudible "Yeah."

"Emma... She won't judge you," she told her with a reassuring smile. "Why would she do that?"

"I haven't exactly been..." Emma said, giving her a look and waving her hands in a circle.

"Oh. Right... Well, she won't, trust me. I mean, she will probably make you as uncomfortable as she can now that she knows we were together behind her back for so long," Regina adds with a chuckle, trying to dissipate some of the tension that had settled between them.

"Oh gosh, yeah we probably deserve that," Emma said while she blushed, looking mortified and making Regina fully laugh, her attempts at relaxing Emma paying off, to her delight.

"Yes, well, it's not like she has much grounds to be upset."

Emma eyed her curiously. "What do you mean?"

"She's been getting pretty cozy with a certain warrior in a much more conspicuous way than she thinks," Regina explained with a smirk.

Emma gasped and started laughing, her eyes finally relaxing a bit. "Really? Well isn't that something..."

It was the most normal they had been around each other in what felt like forever and Regina's heart was feeling more hopeful by the minute. She had really missed Emma, _her_ Emma, and even though the woman standing before her was still a closed off and angry version of her girlfriend, she felt warm with joy every time she caught a glimpse of her former self.

"Why don't you come inside and Victoria can go play in the back? She can play with Robyn and I'm sure Henry will want to see you," Regina said, practically crossing her fingers in hopes that Emma would say yes.

Emma looked conflicted, eyes flickering between Regina and Victoria to the inside of the house she could see from the open door as if her answer might be there.

"Uh, I don't want to disturb your day, you probably need to go to work..."

"And I can go to work in the afternoon, or tomorrow," Regina replied with a smile and a no-nonsense tone. "I'd much rather spent time with my daughter and my...you. The town will be just fine without me," she added as a last minute save.

Emma looked at her intently before nodding, causing Regina's smile to brighten up and for her to go over to Victoria, who was still so immensely (and disgustingly) entertained by a few worms she hadn't even noticed her mother.

  
*

It had been awkward, just like Regina knew it would, when Zelena saw Emma in the living room. Somehow her sister had the ability to make jokes at their expense and still gush about the niece she had yet to meet at the same time. It was so Zelena that Regina couldn't help but laugh, not even getting offended at all the crude remarks.

Luckily Emma didn't run for the hills, though she was undeniably uncomfortable. Regina could barely believe her eyes and her heart was fluttering in her chest when she saw her family together.

They finally settled on the backyard, the two of them sitting on the bench while Victoria and Robyn played on the grass. She had convinced Henry to take Zelena away for the morning, giving Emma some much-needed reprieve from the awkwardness.

They'd been sitting in surprising companionable silence for a long time, just enjoying the day and looking at the children play when Emma broke the silence.

"I've forgiven you, you know," she said lowly, eyes still fixated on the girls.

Regina's head spun so quickly she almost heard her neck crack. She looked at Emma completely gobsmacked, her eyes wide and unblinking and she felt her heart hammering in her chest, threatening to crack a few ribs.

She must have looked completely ridiculous because when Emma finally turned to her she gave a small laugh.

She sobered up and gave her a rueful smile. "I know I've been...difficult, to say the least, but I have forgiven you. I think I started forgiving you the moment I came back. Actually, I know technically there's nothing to forgive because you did nothing wrong and you really couldn't have known, but I was angry at you for such a long time... I was punishing you 'cause I didn't know how else to deal," she said, trapping her lower lip beneath her teeth and looking incredibly nervous. She chanced a sideways glance at Regina as she said, "So I should probably amend my earlier statement. I've been a complete ass to you for days and I'm really sorry Regina. I honestly don't know how you haven't snapped at me yet but thank you for giving me time to process. And I hope _you_ can forgive _me_."

It was quiet for a really long time. Regina fumbling with words that would not come, her brain trying to sort out her thoughts and feelings, her heart racing a mile a minute.

Then, Regina's brain somehow decided that since words weren't coming out of her mouth, she had to do something with it, and next thing she knew she had moved forward and her lips were pressed to Emma's in a fervent kiss, her heart jumping as she finally felt her soft lips against her own again.

It took her longer than it should have to realize Emma was not kissing her back, and when she did she quickly moved back, Emma's eyes wide in shock, completely mirroring her own.

Regina covered her mouth with her right hand, the left going automatically to her forehead in an involuntary attempt to try to regain some type of control as she whispered, "Shit, I am so sorry Emma."


	13. Chapter 13

Emma looked at her for a long moment before replying, her face a mix of contradictions. All Regina could think of though (between the ongoing loop of 'fuck') was, at least Emma hadn't run.

"Hum...that's...Well, not okay, but also not _not_ okay," she said ending it almost like a question, a pained expression on her face. "Just...I'm not there yet."

"Of course," Regina replied neutrally as she fixed her hair in an attempt to regain some control. "I apologize, it won't happen again."

Emma put her hand tentatively on Regina's thigh and gave her a tight smile. "I didn't say ever, Regina. I just said not yet."

Regina was too shocked to say anything but a terribly eloquent "Oh", her nerve endings almost short-circuiting at the feeling of Emma's hand on her thigh. It made it very hard to maintain her control, the flood of desire that had risen up at the kiss making its way back with the vengeance after what felt like a lifetime without Emma's touch.

Emma laughed quietly and she could only hope it wasn't because Regina's face was trying to go for the complexion of a tomato.

"And you don't have to apologize. It's okay really. Only been like ten days for you right?" she added ruefully.

"Ten miserable days," Regina mumbled.

"Hmm, yeah. I can only imagine..." Emma deadpanned with a crinkle in the corner of her eyes.

"Are you-? You're making fun of me aren't you?" she said in mock outrage making Emma raise up her hands in fake surrender and chuckle.

"I got to, right? Kinda tired of the tears."

The constant change of atmosphere between the two of them was dizzying. Suddenly the air became thick with sorrow so deep Regina could almost feel herself suffocating.

"I wish I could go back in time, Emma. Every minute of every day since that's all I've been wanting."

Emma gave her a sideways glance, lip trapped beneath her teeth. "Yeah, well, we can't do that, so I guess we've gotta make the best of what we've got, right?"

"You sound like one of those internet phrases," she told her with an eye roll, her lighter tone an effort to relieve some of the sadness in Emma's look.

"What can I say, I've matured an acquired the wisdom of Tumblr," Emma said with a humorous glint in her eyes.

"Of what?" Was that something from the other world?

Emma waved her hand as she said, "Never mind, millennial concepts. You belong to another, shall I say...older generation, you wouldn't get it," she finished with a barely contained grin.

Regina scoffed I'm mock outrage, Emma's teasing about her age bringing back fond memories. "Please, as if you're a millennial."

"No, but much closer than you," she teased with a smirk. "Getting closer to seventy every day, Madam Mayor."

Regina slapped her arm gently but she could barely contain a grin of her own. "You mind your tongue if you happen to like it, Miss Swan, you know _exactly_ what I'm capable of," she told her, voice dripping with seduction.

"Mhmm, sure do," Emma said, bumping her shoulder gently to Regina's. "Gotta say, I sure did miss you calling me Miss Swan."

Regina couldn't help but snort out a laugh and look at her teasingly. "Oh you did, did you?"

"Brings back old memories," she responded with a shrug.

"Of us trying to kill each other?" Regina teased.

"Eh, more like eye-fucking each other. Good times. Simpler somehow, you know?"

Regina rolled her eyes fondly. She definitely remembered what Emma called eye fucking. She hadn't been particularly subtle, much as she hated to admit it, and neither had Emma for that matter. The sexual tension had been palpable between them since that first "Hi" and it had only escalated with time, their hatred somehow fueling it further.

It still befuddled her how they hadn't ended up in bed together during the curse. The Evil Queen she used to be would've certainly used that to her advantage. She guessed, as awful as she had been as mayor, she had begun changing since before she got Henry, slowly enough that it caught up to her without her realizing. Funnily enough, when they did end up sleeping together in Neverland it had been a mess of feelings, not the hate sex she would have expected. Hence the running. Oh, she really was a piece of work.  
  
"Sure, if you call breaking curses and almost dying every other week simple, then, yes dear, much simpler times," she deadpanned.

Emma laughed at her sarcasm making her feel ridiculously teenage-like. "Oh, you know what I mean. It was before all this...mess. At least I knew what was happening. Sort of. But I definitely knew where we stood with each other."

"As enemies?" she asked with her eyebrows up.

Emma shook her head and smiled, "Nah, we were never really enemies," she said in a thoughtful tone.

"I did try to kill you a few times," Regina pointed out lightly.

Emma waved her hand dismissively. "Half-hearted attempts at best. Admit it, you had a soft spot for me," she said with her usual cockiness.

"Perhaps," Regina smiled coyly.

Emma let out a good-natured laugh. "Told you, not enemies."

Regina felt herself smile like a love-struck fool, which she not so grudgingly admitted she was. How on earth had they gone from awkward conversation to their usual banter in a few minutes? It made her miserably long for more, for what they had been to each other in the past year. She was almost to the point of begging to gods she had stopped believing in long ago to give her her Emma back, to erase all the pain and just let them enjoy their life. For once, just once, without complications. It really didn't seem like too much to ask for.

The apparent cease-fire between them made her somewhat melancholic about the old times Emma was referring to. She partly resented the circumstances surrounding their life; mostly, though, she resented herself. Had she chosen a different path, a less...everything, they might have had their chance five years earlier. She couldn't stop herself from imagining all the what ifs, pointless and depressing as it was. But what if she hadn't been so this and so that? So...scared, mostly.

Regina looked up at Emma with an intensity that betrayed her thoughts, and Emma looked back at her confused, prompting her to open up.

"I did hate you, though," she finally admits. It's not news per se, but it is because she'd always hidden the real reason behind the more obvious ones.

"Because you thought I was going to take Henry away and break your curse?"

"No. Well, not entirely." Emma raised her brow questioning and Regina took a shallow breath before her admission. "I...there was this pull...I can't explain it really, this ridiculously strong attraction toward you like- Well, it was eerily familiar and I couldn't let it happen. I hated you for it, for having the ability to make me weak. Hate was easier than the other option at the time."

Emma looked at her like Regina had just told her the Revelation. Her eyes zoomed in on Regina's fiercely, a thousand thoughts running behind their veil. She bit her lip without seeming to realize it, and Regina's eyes focused immediately on that. Emma moved slightly forward and Regina unconsciously did the same, but then Emma sucked in a breath and shook her head as if regaining control and straightened back up. Regina tried to ignore the feeling of sudden loss but soon the sensation of Emma taking her hand and putting it on her lap certainly made up for it.

"I felt it too," Emma whispered as she stroked her hand gently. "I guess it's always been us, huh?"

Regina looked at her trying to convey all her love through her eyes before she replied fervently, "Always."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're enjoying less angst, I was needing a bit of lightness to be honest. Can't promise all the heavy stuff is gone though, but for now we deserve a break :)


	14. Chapter 14

"Mom, I can hear you all the way from here!" Henry yelled from the living room.

Regina blushed, glad he wasn't actually there to see the state she was in. She was sure her hair was chaotic and she could guess there was a maniacal expression on her face.

"Why are you pacing so hard, anyway? You've been at it for like an hour."

"I'm thinking," she replied as she kept on pacing. She couldn't stop, her body was doing its own thing and she had no control over it.

"Just do it, mom," Henry said, his voice suddenly so much closer it made Regina do a ridiculous little jump at the fright. He shook his head at the look on her face but gave her a reassuring smile. "It's Ma, right? You wanna call her?"

"You are far too perceptive for my liking," she said, eyes narrowed.

He shrugged. "Runs in the family."

Regina just hummed and kept on pacing, thinking she'd probably have to replace the rug in the office soon.

"Mom," his gentle tone trying to calm her down to no avail, "Relax ok, she's not mad anymore, you can call her."

Regina gave him a skeptical look and continued pacing as she watched him sit himself down on the sofa.

"Mom! Seriously, you're making me dizzy," he said leaning theatrically against the back of the sofa.

She just rolled her eyes at his dramatics, which she was secretly pleased he got from her and kept destroying the carpet, her phone clutched so tightly in her hand it was starting to hurt.

"Hey, Ma, how are you?" she heard him speak after a while and it took her longer than she was proud to admit to notice that he was on the phone talking to the person who was responsible for her current state. She froze mid pacing, surely doing a ridiculous impression of a fish as she stared at him in utter shock. "Good. Is that Vee? Say hi for me! Oh wait up, Mom wants to talk to you. Okay, love you, bye!"

And then he handed the phone to a still statue-like Regina and left muttering something about stupid adults being too chicken for their own good. She would've admonished him for it were she not so busy trying to make her brain work again.

"Hello, Miss Swan," she said in a such a formal voice she winced at it. Gods she hated how obvious she was. Whenever she was nervous she resorted to formality and Emma knew it. She knew almost everything about her, could read her like a book, and right then she really didn't want her to know how much of a nervous wreck she was.

"Hey, Regina, what's up?" she replied casually, a hint of curiosity underlying her voice.

She thanked whatever old gods she used to believe in that Emma hadn't mentioned her tone and took a deep breath to settle her nerves. She wasn't particularly successful. "Well, I was wondering if you're free on Saturday and if you'd like to go out?"

"Yeah, sure. My mom did that whole pouting face thing and emotional blackmail to get me and Vee to spend time with her but I managed to postpone for Sunday. Where do you want to meet us? At the park again?"

"No, uh, actually I was talking about just you and me," she said in a trembly voice so unlike her usual self. "Not that I don't want to see Victoria!" she quickly added, "I just thought it would be nice for us to go out and have dinner just the two of us to catch up and have some alone time because since you've been back it's always us and the children and, well, adult time is important in any relationship. Not that we're in a relationship! Or, maybe we still are, I don't really know, you've been mostly yelling at me for days and then you became really nice all of a sudden so it's hard to tell what we are but- You're seriously just letting me ramble on until there are no more ways I can embarrass myself aren't you?!" she hissed at Emma, cutting off her own rambling way too late.

She could feel her cheeks burning up and she wished she could just materialize into another planet so she wouldn't have to deal with the extreme embarrassment she was feeling. She hated Emma for having the ability to make her act like a teenager so often and she especially hated how smug she got about it. Gosh, she could practically feel the smugness from the other line.

She could just picture Emma's face, all mocking, looking at her with those green eyes in that way that was always followed by an 'Oh you're just too cute when you get all flustered, babe'. She hated it! Hated being cute, hated being flustered, _hated_ being called babe. Except right then she really, really missed it and was hoping quite ridiculously that Emma would pull one of those lines.

"It's extremely amusing," Emma replied instead, but the underlying teasing was enough to tell her she was also thinking about what she always used to say.

"Oh, you are unbelievable, Miss Swan!"

"Are you doing that on purpose? You know what it does to me," she said seductively.

"I take it back!" Regina huffed.

"Nope, no backsies, Ms. Mills," Emma said with obvious humor in her voice. "We're going out to dinner."

"We are?" she asked in wonder, her embarrassment all but forgotten.

"Yes. You were right, we do need some alone time. And I still have to make up for my terrible behavior."

"Oh." Brilliant. Her pacing didn't just destroy the rug, it apparently also destroyed her eloquence. And Emma took away her ability to speak because she had run out of things to say and was just listening to Emma chuckle and then to her breathing like the pathetic loser she apparently was.

"Goodnight, Regina," she eventually said with what clearly sounded like a smile after what felt like minutes of silence.

"Goodnight, Emma. I'll see you on Saturday."

"Well, actually you said you'd come over tomorrow morning to see Vee," Emma replied in a teasing tone.

"Oh. Right. Yes, I'll see you tomorrow, then."

She hung up quickly to avoid further embarrassment and took a shaky breath trying to assimilate what had just happened. She got a date with Emma! In four days she'd be going out to dinner with her girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend? Once-again girlfriend? It didn't actually matter. All she had to do was prepare the perfect date to woo her and she had four days to do it. It was possible, she'd worked with much tighter schedules.

For the moment though, she had a son to strangle, then kiss, then strangle again.

"Henry!" she yelled as she walked up to his room. "I'm making your favorite dessert," she told him sweetly as she entered the room, watching his face brighten up in disbelief. "And then you're grounded for two weeks. No tv, no computer, unless it's for school, no video games. And I'll be keeping the phone you so kindly gave me," she finished just as sweetly, waving his phone in her hand and taking a sick kind of satisfaction in watching his face fall and then turn into a glare that she just laughed off.

She was in too good a mood.


	15. Chapter 15

It was five to seven and Regina was in her car watching the seconds tick by on the dashboard while she waited for the clock to hit seven so she could finally meet Emma for their date. She couldn’t possibly just stroll up the pathway and knock on Emma’s door before time. What if she wasn’t ready yet? Plus, it was just impolite and if there was something that had been drilled into Regina since before she could even walk it was manners. 

 

She waited in anticipation until the digital numbers changed and then promptly stepped out of the car, fixed her already perfect hair and, with a last glance at the mirror, walked with the most confidence she could manage at the moment, her hands only slightly shaking (which she thought was quite good considering the state she had been in during the day - something that should definitely never be mentioned to anyone if she hoped to keep her reputation).

 

She rang the bell and waited semi-patiently for someone to open. When the door finally did swing open, she was not disturbed in the slightest to find that she was a typical fairytale cliché and had her breath practically taken away by the sight in from of her.

 

Emma looked, put quite simply, stunning. She wore a form-fitting mid-length dark blue dress with her hair cascading down her shoulders in freshly primped curls. Her makeup was light but efficient and Regina took a moment to just admire her while her lips curled up into an involuntary smile. And she was just as pleased that Emma seemed to be taking just as much interest in admiring Regina’s own outfit choice.

 

“You look beautiful, Emma,” Regina told her.

 

“Thank you, Regina, so do you.” Emma shook her head slightly as if getting her bearings and opened the door wider before moving to the side so Regina could slide in. Her heart tugged a little at the slight tint of pink in Emma’s cheeks.

 

“I called your sister,” Emma said after closing the door. “Neal was sick so my mom couldn’t come and my dad is working.”

 

Oh. That was probably not the best of ideas. Zelena could cause enough chaos on her own let alone looking after two toddlers. Emma would be lucky if she still had a house when they returned.

 

“I do so love my sister, but I’m inclined to say I’d probably trust Grumpy with looking after our daughter before her.”

 

Emma gave her her fondest eye roll. “She managed to raise a daughter of her own for the past three years, Regina.”

 

“With my help!” Emma just stared her down, completely unimpressed. “Fine. You’re right. It was the best you could do on short notice and I’m sure she is more than capable of handling two possibly magic-wielding toddlers.” 

 

“You’re doing a great job getting me more relaxed to leave my daughter alone for the first time,” Emma deadpanned as she started walking and led them into the playroom she’d made for Victoria in the back.

 

“Sorry,” Regina mumbled sheepishly.

 

“I told you I could look after Vee, Ma,” Henry said in half exasperation as he got up from the couch in the living room while Emma rolled her eyes, clearly a sign of a conversation had many times before. “Hey Mom, you look really nice,” he added as he gave her a hug.

 

“Thank you, dear. And your mother was right, you’re too young to be looking after yourself and your sister.”

 

“Ugh, I’m fifteen, Mom!”

 

“Exactly,” Emma interjected. “And your sister is one and a half and a handful, not to mention she’s still not used to being away from me.”

 

“Moms, I practically babysit Robyn _and_ Aunt Zelena all the time,” he said in his most exasperated teenage voice.

 

“It’s not that we don’t trust you, honey,” Regina added as she tried very hard not to laugh at their son’s antics, “but it takes time to get used to babies’ routines, especially at night. You’ll get to look after her sooner than you know, and then you’ll probably beg us to get a babysitter,” she finished with a playful wink.

 

“Plus, you will probably end up doing most of the supervising, Zelena is just here for the extra help,” Emma told him appeasingly.

 

Henry gave them a half shrug and a resigned “Yeah, okay,” before turning around and heading for the kitchen.

 

They finally made their way to the playroom to find it, surprisingly, only mildly chaotic. Victoria and Robyn were busy destroying half the toys while Zelena lounged on a pile of pillows looking as dramatic as ever.

 

“Oh, are you back yet?! Thank god! These little monsters were trying to kill me!” she said without getting up from her comfortable position, the back of her hand resting theatrically on her forehead.

 

“Nice try dear, we’re just leaving,” Regina told her as she made her way towards the children, giving them each a kiss on the head which they promptly ignored in favor of returning to their game of tearing down block towers. Robyn looked suspiciously like she was trying to use magic which she’d, thankfully, only succeeded in doing once before. Regina seriously hoped she wouldn’t get a call from her sister telling them the house was on fire.

 

“If anything happens, call us. I’ve set up an extra crib upstairs for Robyn and if you need anything, Henry knows where everything is. And please don’t let my house be destroyed,” Emma added as an afterthought.

 

“No promises there, dear, but I shall try my best. Off you go now, you naughty lovebirds, have fun,” she told them with a mildly provocative wink.

 

With typical parental apprehension, highly increased in Emma’s case, they left with final reminders and headed to Regina’s car. Many times did her hand involuntarily skitter towards Emma’s but she retreated, afraid she’d scare her off.

 

“So where are we going?” Emma asked a few minutes into the drive.

 

Regina smiled mysteriously and told her “It’s still a surprise dear, no matter how many times you ask.”

 

Emma huffed humorously and pretended to pout which made Regina laugh at her half-assed attempts to persuade her. It was terribly cute.

 

She was smirking when she slowed down as the turned to her street and Emma got a confused look on her face, which only became more pronounced when she parked in the driveway and got out of the car.

 

“Uh…you forget something?”

 

“No.” She waited for Emma to join her as they made their way to the door.

 

“This is not a restaurant.”

 

“I am aware, dear,” Regina said with a smirk.

 

“You said we were going out for dinner. That I should dress nice. Did I dream that?”

 

“No, I definitely did say that.”

 

“So…?”

 

Regina chuckled at the confused look Emma was giving her and did a remarkably good job at stopping her hand from smoothing the frown lines from Emma’s forehead. 

 

She opened the front door and silently led Emma towards the backyard, opening the sliding doors and letting her through before following her and searching her features for a reaction.

 

“I thought an evening just for us would be much more comfortable than going out to a restaurant, so I adapted,” she said as she gestured around the yard waiting for Emma’s response, her face bearing mostly shock which Regina was waiting to see if it was a good or bad sign.

 

After more than a reasonable amount of silence, she was starting to reconsider her idea. She didn’t think it was too much, she’d quite literally only placed a simple if romantic table on the back porch for their dinner, put some candlelights on it and strategically put some enchanted candles floating around the yard for lighting. But now that she thought about it, maybe what she presumed was a good idea by removing the pressure of being in a public place was, in fact, adding more pressure by being just the two of them with no distractions. Fuck. She might have screwed it up trying to be considerate.

 

“You hate it?” she asked Emma nervously. “We can still go to a restaurant if you’d prefer, I just thought you’d want to avoid public situations since it’s what you’ve mostly been doing.”

 

Emma turned to her looking like she’d only just remembered Regina was there with her, her big round eyes looking slightly panicked as they focused on Regina and what she was saying.

 

“No!” she said quickly. “I love it, Regina. Honestly. It’s beautiful and you’re absolutely right, it’s perfect. This is way better than a restaurant. Plus it’s got your food so that’s a win right there,” she grinned.

 

Regina looked at her trying to gauge her veracity and started to smile with relief when she found pure honesty in her face.

 

“Okay. Beer?”

 

“Yeah, thanks.”

 

*

 

Dinner was, to her complete elation, a success. She only just realized during it how much she’d missed just talking to Emma, freely, even small talk. The fact that it was just the two of them in a situation they’d been in many times before and to notice that they’d reverted back to their usual familiarity was a relief. Even something as simple as Emma’s overt enjoyment of her food brought a constant smile to her lips and a lightness to her heart. And to hear Emma talk so freely, telling her stories about her and Victoria’s small adventures in the other world was comforting. She felt trusted again, a complete opposite of how she’d been feeling in regards to Emma since she came back. It had been a tough few weeks that was for sure, she was glad the hard parts were behind them.

 

“Hey,” she said, breaking the momentary silence while they washed and dried the dishes side by side when a question she’d been meaning to ask for a while popped into her head. “Why did you name her Victoria?”

 

“Oh. Uh…Well, two reasons really,” Emma told her as she leaned back against the counter, a mildly thoughtful look in her eyes while she automatically dried a plate. “One, it just seemed fitting ‘cause she won against all odds, you know? Miracle baby and all that, tough pregnancy, tougher delivery. The meaning of the name felt right.”

 

“Hmm, and the other?” Regina asked after a few beats of silence from Emma, purposefully avoiding the whole miracle baby discussion, a topic she hadn’t mentioned again since that day in the park when Emma had promptly shut her down.

 

“Oh, right. You like it,” she said simply with a self-explanatory shrug.

 

Regina turned to look at her, confused. “What?”

 

“I remembered you once told me that if Henry had been a girl you’d name him Victoria. We never talked about more kids but I just figured…Anyways, it was the only input I had from you, so.”

 

Regina looked at her for a long moment while Emma bit her lip self-consciously, her cheeks turning darker and darker and she wanted nothing more than to kiss her right then but she held back. There was a swell of emotion bubbling up with her that threatened to choke her and she didn’t think she’d ever loved Emma as much as she did right in that moment. She settled for taking her hand and squeezing it tightly and murmuring a heartfelt “Thank you”, the most her vocal cords seemed to be able to perform in that instant.

 

They finished the dishes in silence, each apparently lost to their own thoughts. Regina didn’t want Emma to leave so soon but she knew it was probably best for her to get back in case the time apart was being hard for their daughter. Neither Zelena nor Henry had said anything, but still. 

 

She knew the separation, small as it was, was hard for Emma but she was quite happy to have managed to make her relax for once and let go of her constant worrying, even if for just a couple of hours.

 

“Ready to go?” Regina asked her after Emma had collected her bag and met her in the hall.

 

Emma smiled at her and nodded. Regina decided to go with her instincts and not stop her desires (probably also courtesy of the three glasses of wine she’d had) and extended her hand for Emma to take. The warm feeling that ran through her body at the contact was not related to the alcohol though. 

 

“Thank you for tonight,” Emma said, her head dipped shyly. “I had a really great time, Regina.”

 

Regina couldn’t help the beaming smile that took over her lips. 

 

“I’m glad. I had a good time, too.”

 

“Yeah, I…I missed this. Us,” Emma said as she took a small step closer, the air suddenly much heavier between the both of them. “I missed you.”

 

Keeping up with not fighting her instincts, Regina didn’t try to stop herself from leaning forward, slowly so Emma could realize what was happening and stop it if she wanted. She was thanking whichever redemption gods were looking after her when Emma didn’t and their lips met in a sweet and light kiss, albeit heavy with feelings.

 

Not wanting to overwhelm either of them she broke off gently and rested her forehead on Emma’s, her smile returning in full form. She still had her eyes closed but she was almost certain she could feel Emma’s own smile in return. 

 

“Goodnight, Regina.”

 

“‘Night, Emma. Give the children a kiss from me, will you?”

 

“Of course.” She waived slightly and was gone in a puff of white smoke, leaving Regina to practically float to bed in contentment.


	16. Chapter 16

 

Regina was strolling down Main Street on Friday afternoon pushing Victoria in her stroller when the girl released a high pitched squeal, her arms flailing around in excitement as she began to babble incoherently at lightning speed with a huge grin on her face.

 

Regina felt her own grin in return as she watched her daughter in curiosity, looking around to try and see what caught her attention. She found Mulan walking towards them in her usual collected manner, but a slight tilt of her lips betrayed her emotions. 

 

“Hello,” Mulan said once she approached them, leaning down towards Victoria who was lifting up her arms in a desperate attempt to get Mulan to pick her up. “Hey, little princess,” she cooed to the toddler’s delight.

 

Victoria squeaked higher and higher until it shook Regina out of her dazed confusion. “Go ahead, pick her up.”

 

She watched in awe as Mulan picked Victoria up with the utmost care and tenderness, her face immediately transformed with an openness that made her features even more radiant. It was a sight to behold. Regina was still looking stupidly at the interaction.

 

“I didn’t know you were so popular with my daughter, Mulan,” Regina teased her as she watched Victoria place her little pudgy hands on Mulan’s face in an attempt to get her full attention while she kept babbling quickly to a serious-faced Mulan who was nodding and listening intently. It was equal parts endearing and hilarious.

 

“We go way back,” Mulan deadpanned, her attention still on the talkative toddler. 

 

Victoria squealed again, apparently taking Mulan’s words as a response and she charged ahead at full speed.

 

Regina kept looking at them in awe, the fondness visible on her face. She had a soft spot for the warrior and she was delighted to see Victoria did too. It was always a good thing to see the usual stoicism leave Mulan’s face in favor of softness. It was the same with Mulan and Robyn, and Regina always found herself enjoying the transformation when she watched them interact. No wonder her sister was smitten.

 

“We’re heading home now, I have to make her dinner, would you like to join us?”

 

Mulan turned to her and smiled shyly. “I’d love to if it’s not imposing.”

 

“Of course not. You’re clearly her new favorite person,” Regina joked, eliciting a chuckle from Mulan.

 

“I’ll gladly accept the title,” she said with a proud smirk. She kept Victoria in her arms while Regina took the stroller and they made their way towards the mansion.

 

Victoria kept pointing at things in excitement and Mulan talked to her in her usual calm tone, explaining things and naming them, praising Victoria when she managed to repeat something back correctly. 

 

Regina was curious to note that, while with Henry she had always been jealous of people getting close to him for fear of him favoring them over her, which in her mind would result in her losing him, it seemed she had changed for the better and she was actually quite enjoying watching her daughter’s adoration towards someone else. 

 

“Is Emma home?” Mulan asked as they turned on Milfin Street, Victoria’s head now resting on her shoulder, clearly tired from their long day.

 

Regina shook her head slightly. “No, she’s with Archie. We were just dropping her off.”

 

“Ah. Good. Is it helping?”

 

“It’s only her second time but I think so.” When she’d first suggested it during Emma’s first week back, Emma had reacted poorly. _Really_ poorly. There was shouting and intentionally hurtful words and a few decoration items flying across the room to come shattering on the wall. The second time was a few days just before their first date and the results were much more successful. “She doesn’t tell me anything, obviously, but… I don’t know, she’s a bit more relaxed, I think.”

 

Mulan hummed in agreement.

 

“Does she talk to you?” Regina asked her gently, not wanting to appear as if she’s probing for too much information.

 

Mulan nodded. “Sometimes. Not much though.”

 

“Yeah. I think she got too used to not having anyone to talk to again,” Regina said, unable to keep the sadness from her voice.

 

Mulan looked at her in understanding. “There was the old witch, though. She was nice, I think she genuinely liked Emma, and Emma her. Lenora protected them.”

 

Regina felt her eyes watering and cleared her throat in a poor attempt at avoiding the swell of emotion in her voice. 

 

“I’m glad she had someone,” she said. 

 

They finally got to the house and Regina put away their things while Mulan headed to the living room with Victoria. The toddler was once again excited and seemed to have fully recovered her energy levels as she dragged Mulan across the house by her hands babbling excitedly about her toys. 

 

Over the past few weeks, Regina had been slowly getting her house ready for Victoria. She had her own room upstairs with everything a baby might need (and probably a bunch of things she would never use), the living room now had a separate play area with her toys, there was baby food in the fridge and pantry, Henry’s high chair was brought down from the attic, and the house was so baby proofed that Regina herself sometimes struggled with getting things open, having long since lost the practice around those damned contraptions.

 

Emma hadn’t really said anything about the changes in the few times she’d been over, and Regina hadn’t mentioned it either. She was operating under no assumptions, only the knowledge that she did now have a daughter and, even if Emma never moved in, Victoria would need her own things at the mansion. 

 

So far, the room upstairs was still unused. Twenty-three days since they’d come through the portal (she was definitely counting) and her daughter had yet to spend a night, but this was supposed to be the day. She and Emma had agreed that Victoria was probably ready and that it would be a good bonding experience. Neither had mentioned possible future family arrangements, their newfound peace still standing on shaky ground. Regina had also failed to probe into Emma’s feelings on the matter, knowing that it was the first time she’d be sleeping without their daughter in the house. She was still too scared of asking the tough questions, afraid Emma would lash out and close up again. 

 

Baby steps. She was more than happy taking the cautious route and going at a snail’s pace if it led them to a future where they were all together and happy.

 

Regina called Mulan and Victoria to the kitchen after she finished heating up her daughter’s dinner, and Mulan put Victoria down on her high chair, leaving the girl to dig into her food with an excitement that could clearly only be genetic and it was 100% Emma. 

 

They both watched on in amusement as she managed to get more tomato sauce on her face than in her mouth, her hair looking like it would need a triple wash to become clean again.

 

“Victoria is adjusting really well, it seems,” Mulan said with a gentle smile.

 

“Yes, I think so, too,” Regina replied, her chest getting all warm with pride. “I was worried she’d get overwhelmed with all these new things and people, but she’s been doing well.”

 

“Children are very resilient.”

 

Regina hummed in agreement. “And Emma did a very good job with her,” she told her, zero attempts at trying to leave the adoration out of her voice.

 

Mulan turned to her and gave her a look. “You’ve been going on dates again.”

 

“Yes,” Regina said, chuckling slightly at Mulan’s matter-of-fact approach. When it was clear that was all Mulan intended to say on the matter Regina decided to just go for it. “Has Emma said something about it?”

 

Mulan nodded as she kept on watching Victoria.

 

“Am I going in the right direction at least?”

 

She saw the corner of Mulan’s lips turn up slightly. “Yes.”

 

There was a giddiness bubbling up within her at the simplicity of that statement. She couldn’t hold back a grin as she uttered an extremely relieved “Good.”

 

And it was really, really good. They had gone out two more times since Saturday. Well, going out being more like staying in, but just them, no children, and they would just talk, about anything and everything and each day that passed she’d watch Emma opening up more and more, her posture more relaxed around Regina than it had been in weeks. In fact, she couldn’t help but notice, with a good amount of happiness, how Emma seemed more relaxed around her now than she did with everyone else. 

 

With others, apart from their children, of course, Emma was still quite reserved, and especially with her parents. Mulan might be the exception to that but Regina hadn’t really seen them interact lately. It was as if she had completely reverted to the Emma that came to town all those years ago and reluctantly stayed, one foot in and the other ready to bolt at any time, keeping everyone at arms’ length.

 

She was glad that she had finally gotten through to her and that Emma had relented and agreed to go speak to Archie. Because, no matter how much better these past two weeks had been and how much progress they were making, Regina and Emma’s conversations never ventured too far away from the superficial. Any attempt at digging a bit deeper into feelings territory was promptly shut down (as of late, more like subtly diverted, but the intention remained very much the same).

 

“You’re thinking too hard”, Mulan’s voice broke her out of her reverie.

 

Regina chuckled and hummed her agreement.

 

“Don’t over think it. You are doing the best you can for both of you and your best is the right thing to do,” she said sagely. 

 

Regina nodded but it was more an acknowledgment of having heard it than completely agreeing with Mulan’s statement. 

 

“I’m still scared I’ll never get her back entirely,” she told Mulan after a beat.

 

“She’s coming back at her own pace. She’s strong Regina, and so are you. You’re looking at the proof your love,” she said with a meaningful nod towards Victoria.

 

“Mulan…” Regina said in warning, desperate to avoid the way the conversation was heading. It was a topic she just couldn’t get into, one she’d been very successful at avoiding and keeping out of her mind for the past three weeks. (Except in the dark hours of the night. Then there was no escaping the wanderings of her mind.)

 

“Blinder is the one who chooses not to see,” Mulan told her seriously without a hint of reproachfulness. “You are doing well, but there needs to be progress. You cannot hope to stay at the same pace if you wish for things to go forward and you cannot avoid the most important topic.”

 

Regina shook her head in commiseration. “I’ve asked her about it, Mulan. She said I wasn’t ready to know yet, whatever that means.”

 

“Perhaps that she was not ready to tell you,” Mulan tells her after a moment’s silence.

 

Regina looked at her intently trying to gauge for any reaction in her face. “Soon?”

 

Mulan nodded almost imperceptibly before refocusing her attention on a tomato sauce laden toddler. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it very obvious that I have a massive crush on Mulan? ;)


	17. Chapter 17

 

Mulan left just after Emma arrived, both of them exchanging a look whose meaning escaped Regina. She was glad that Emma had a friend she could talk to, someone to confide in other than a therapist. Mulan was a good friend, that was for sure. She was so protective of Emma, had been even more so since rescuing her.

 

Emma and Regina gave Victoria a bath together, the water ending up more on the floor than in the bathtub. Luckily Regina still had her reflexes from years of bathing Henry and Emma had clearly acquired her own very good set of reflexes as both of them expertly dodged wave after wave of excited splashing.

 

“Duckie has always been her favorite,” Emma told her looking at the soaked toddler lovingly as she continuously drowned the little yellow duck Emma had packed in her overnight bag. “I managed to magic it up when she was a few months old and she didn’t let go of it for a solid month. I honestly thought it would be her first word.”

 

Regina burst out laughing at the horror stamped on Emma’s face, earning herself a playful shove on the shoulder.

 

“Hey! It would’ve been awful! Can you imagine me spending all that time trying to get her to say mama only for her first word to be duckie?!” She shook her head in outrage eliciting even more laughter from Regina until Emma’s own lips were twitching with the effort not to join in as well. Even Victoria looked up form her duck-drowning to look at her mothers and laugh along.

 

“And did you succeed?”

 

“No!” she said dismally. “But it was 'mommy' so I accepted my loss with grace,” she finished with a self-deprecating shrug.

 

Regina sat there on the edge of the tub with what she was sure was a look of pure awe in her face, looking between the happy toddler in the bath and the beautiful woman next to her.

 

“Hey, don’t let it get to your head, your majesty,” she teased her in an attempt to make it less of a big deal, a fond smile gracing her lips and a loving look in her eyes. 

 

“How?” Regina couldn’t stop herself from asking.

 

“I might have shown her your photo every night before bed and talked about her mommy,” Emma shrugged as if it was no big deal, turning her face but failing miserably at hiding the blush in her cheeks. “I clearly made my own bed there.”

 

Regina didn’t for one moment believe it wasn’t a big deal and, unable to get past the lump in her throat, she scooted closer to Emma and squeezed her hand in thanks.

 

*

 

Getting Victoria to bed was, to no one’s surprise, no easy feat.

 

Emma waited downstairs while Regina sat her down on the rocking chair and read her a story. Three stories in and her little one was no closer to calming down, the excitement and the novelty of the situation fueling her agitation.

 

She gave up after she finished story number four and took Victoria in her arms as she began to gently sway with her and softly sing. Thankfully it worked, and soon the baby was calm, her eyelids slowly drooping. Regina lay her down on her bed and kept stroking her head and singing to her until she closed her eyes and fell asleep. 

 

She kept stroking her gently until way after she was asleep, completely mesmerized by the love flooding her. They had really done it, their love had produced this beautiful miracle who, in the space of a few minutes, had completely transformed her life for the better, and now she couldn’t even begin to imagine what it would be like without her. 

 

Quietly, she left the room, leaving the night light on and the door ajar so she would hear anything, even though she had the baby monitor. It was her daughter’s first night sleeping over, Regina was not taking her chances with unreliable machine thingies.

 

She found Emma sitting comfortably on the sofa, knees bent up and a glass of wine in her hand, another seemingly waiting for Regina on the coffee table.

 

“She fell asleep okay?” Emma asked her as Regina sat down next to her, put her legs up on the couch as well and turned towards Emma.

 

“She had way too much energy but I managed to calm her down in the end,” Regina told her with a proud smile.

 

Emma smiled at her in return. “She loves you,” she stated simply.

 

Regina looked at her for a long moment, not knowing if she should say what was really going through her mind. She settled for the cowardly way but no less true.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“What for?” Emma asked with a curious eyebrow raised.

 

“For this, for letting me take care of her for the night,” she said before taking a much-needed sip of wine. “For her.”

 

Emma raised her brows in a teasing manner. “You’re thanking me for our daughter?”

 

“Yes,” Regina replied seriously. “For giving me her, for letting me in, letting me know her. For doing such an amazing job with her when I couldn’t be there. For making sure that she knew I existed even if talking about me caused you so much pain. So yes, thank you, Emma, for her.”

 

Emma’s eyes were welling up by the time Regina finished her mini speech but she took a sip of wine to hide it and Regina pretended not to notice, her own tear ducts very close to increasing their production.

 

“All I want for her is to make sure she knows she’s loved. Even if her family wasn’t there, I never wanted her to doubt that she had so many people that loved her before they even knew she existed. I didn’t want her to become like me.”

 

“I will be very proud of her if she has even half you strength, Emma,” she vehemently told a glassy-eyed Emma. “You’re the most amazing woman I know.”

 

Emma gave her a rueful shake of her head and Regina could almost bet she knew what would come next.

 

“I have a pretty long record of failing people and running away, Regina.”

 

“I don’t know who you think you’ve failed, but it certainly wasn’t our children or your parents or me. And as for running away, being on your own requires a great amount of strength as well, Emma, but the truth is, you haven’t done it in years. Instead, you’ve faced your biggest fears and let people in, let yourself be loved. And you somehow found the strength to love a broken woman as well,” Regina tells her passionately, her own eyes welling up. “So yes, you’re definitely the strongest woman I know.”

 

Emma studied her for a long time, emotions conflicting clearly on her face, her eyes boring into Regina with a burning intensity.

 

“Would you like to see Vee’s first word?” she asked abruptly.

 

Regina looked at her in confusion, her head tilting slightly to the side. “Uh… Yes, of course, but I can’t exactly go to the past, Emma.”

 

Emma rolled her eyes at her. “Of course not. Home videos. Kind of,” she said with a shrug as she opened her hand and produced a dream catcher. 

 

Regina muttered a dazed “Oh” in sudden understanding, her heart going a mile a minute in anticipation. How she didn’t think to ask about this before she had no idea but now that she knew about it Emma would have to show her everything.

 

Emma ran her free hand over it, her eyes closing for a few seconds in concentration, her brow slightly furrowed in the most adorable way. When she opened her eyes again and put her hand back on her lap she scooted closer and Regina did the same, both joining each other in the middle of the couch with their shoulders closely pressed together.

 

The image before her made her heart melt. It was Emma, lying on a bed with a much smaller Victoria reclined against her chest, little hand curling around one of Emma’s long locks and the other in her mouth, contentedly sucking her thumb. Emma had one hand rubbing gentle caresses on their daughter and the other holding a small portrait. It was one Emma had taken herself what felt like another lifetime ago. They were having a picnic in the park with Henry and the Charmings and Emma had caught her off guard when Regina turned to her with a grin on her face, her eyes lit up with pure joy. 

 

She hadn’t felt that free and happy in a while.

 

Then, the Emma in the memory started to speak and Regina was completely enraptured.

 

“Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who didn’t want to become a queen, she just wanted to be free and happy. But there were mean people who plotted to make her a queen for their own benefit, ignoring the princess’ wishes. The princess lost her love and she became the queen, but she was not happy at all. She was so unhappy that she did some not very nice things in order to try to feel better but nothing worked. 

 

“One day, though, the queen had a son, and she vowed to become a better person for her son. She was a wonderful mother and she loved her son very much, but then one day her son learned of all the bad things she’d done and he ran away. 

 

“Don’t you ever dare run away Victoria Danielle Swan-Mills!” Memory Emma gravely said as a side-note eliciting a teary laugh from both women on the couch. 

 

“Anyways, where was I? Oh, yeah. The little prince ran away to find his other mother. He brought both his mothers together and they didn’t like each other very much at first because neither of them knew how to love very well and neither knew how to let other people make them happy anymore. They were both living in sadness for a very long time. Too long.

 

“But then, slowly, the Queen and the Princess learned to trust each other and they became friends, and then they learned that they loved each other so very much. The three of them lived happily for a while but they still felt like something was missing, and that’s when they had another baby, a beautiful princess named Victoria.”

 

Victoria turned to her in awe at hearing her name, her thumb immediately out of her mouth as it hung open in surprise.

 

“That’s right princess, it’s you! And mommy is very sorry that she can’t be here right now but she loves you very much and she is working very hard on getting to us really soon. I hope,” memory Emma added in a whisper to herself. Regina was unable to control herself any longer and she reached for Emma’s free hand and intertwined their fingers together, holding them to her lips and pressing a kiss on her hand before placing it on her lap and not letting go, her grip as tight as ever.

 

“Now say goodnight to mommy, Vee,” Emma instructed their daughter who reached for the photo to place a sloppy kiss on it. “Goodnight, mommy,” Emma said to the picture.

 

Then Victoria grinned and looked from Emma to the picture, pointing at it and saying “Mommy” in a happy voice, clearly proud of herself and looking to Emma for praise who looked at her with big round eyes, a slow smile growing on her lips as she hugged her tight and whispered through tears, “Yes, baby, that’s your mommy.”

 

Suddenly the dream catcher was gone from Emma’s hands and Emma was looking at Regina with such vulnerability that Regina didn’t even think twice before wrapping her arms around her tight and murmuring “Thank you” over and over in her ear as she rubbed comforting circles on Emma’s back until she felt her shoulder getting wet and Emma’s muffled sobs shaking her slight frame. She hugged her even tighter then, unable to say anything else as she lost the battle against her own tears and her heart was too tight to do anything other than just love the amazing woman in her arms. 

 

After long minutes, Emma finally began to calm down, their position had somehow shifted into Regina lying on her back while Emma lay on top of her, and they remained like that. 

 

“I told her that story every night,” Emma said, voice quiet and hoarse. “Kind of had to embellish the details a little bit, as you heard, it was PG13 after all.”

 

Regina’s chest did a little dance as she chuckled, her left hand running up to Emma’s hair to stroke it gently.

 

“Thank you,” Regina whispered fervently in her ear.

 

They lay there quietly for a while, their breathing slowing down and synchronizing until their chests rose and fell as one.

 

“I thought you gave up,” Regina said as she finally broke the silence.

 

“I did,” Emma replied, suddenly shifting uncomfortably on top of her. Regina squeezed her tighter to try to get her to relax, her right hand coming up to Emma’s face as she stroked it with the barest pressure. Emma breathed deeply and said, “I did give up, Regina, but I couldn’t let her lose hope. I didn’t want her to grow up and think you weren’t trying your best to look for her, even though you had no idea she existed. That’s why I made her own version of the story, one where she’d know she was wanted and loved by us both.”

 

“She is,” Regina told her strongly as she wrapped Emma even tighter in her arms.

 

Emma lifted her head slightly to look at her and nodded. “Yes. She is. That’s why I had to keep her hope alive.”

 

“What about yours?” Regina asked her gently but firmly.

 

Emma shifted again but Regina was unrelenting in her grip. “It was a really long waiting time, Regina.”

 

“I know. I know how angry you were, how hurt. But I want to know if you gave up completely.” _I need to know if you gave up on me_ , she thought, but couldn’t get the words out. Couldn’t bear to hear the answer if it was yes.

 

“I love you,” Emma said as if it were an explanation. 

 

(And the curious thing is, it absolutely was.)

 

Regina felt her chest grow fuller than she’d ever thought possible at hearing those words uttered again, words she hadn’t heard in weeks and that she was scared she’d never hear again. Her lips split into an involuntary smile as she looked down at Emma and found her staring back, gaging her response, lips trapped and close to bruising and big eyes looking so scared. 

 

Regina leaned down slowly and pressed a soft kiss on Emma’s hair, her free hand rubbing Emma’s cheeks to wipe away tears she seemed unaware had fallen.

 

“I would never stop looking for you, Emma. You’re my everything,” she told her before placing a loving kiss on her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I had too many feelings...


	18. Chapter 18

“This is a bad idea,” Emma gravely said while leaning against the kitchen island, a paleness to her already fair skin. 

 

“So you’ve said, dear,” Regina replied distractedly as she opened the oven to check on the roast.

 

“Yes, but I feel like my opinion wasn’t considered the first time so I feel the need to repeat myself. This is a _really_ bad idea.”

 

Regina huffed in half-hearted exasperation, moving away from the stove top towards her frazzled girlfriend who was about to burn the salad she was meant to be seasoning.

 

“Salad is meant to be served cold, my love,” she told her with a barely contained smile as she steadied Emma’s hand, the movement making Emma look down at her own smoking hand and release a frustrated groan.

 

“Again, I repeat, this is a terrible idea!” she voiced, pushing the salad bowl away from her dangerous hands.

 

Regina looked at her fondly and tried to sound as sympathetic as she could. “Sweetheart, it’s just your parents and my sister.”

 

Emma glared at her in outrage, fume almost coming out her ears as her mouth opened and closed repeatedly. “Just?! Did you seriously say _just_?” she yelled as she raised her hands up in frustration. “Two years, Regina, for two years have I been spared from the horror of Sunday family lunches and that was _before_ everyone knew we were together! _Everyone_ knows now! We even have a daughter to prove it!” 

 

Regina rolled her eyes fondly before returning to the pots, her lip effectively trapped beneath her teeth to prevent her laughter. It was a tough thing to achieve. 

 

“Yes, dear, I am aware everyone knows about us, and they have for the past month so I really don’t think it will be that big of a deal,” Regina tried to appease her. 

 

She failed.

 

“How are you even this calm? You hate my parents!”

 

Regina waved a dismissive hand towards her, still focused on stirring the pot. “Pft, don’t be ridiculous, we’re friends now.”

 

“Friends whose daughter you’ve been sleeping with!” Emma yelled in exasperation.  

 

 _Not lately_ , Regina thought ruefully. Although Emma’s point did cause her to blanch momentarily but she quickly recovered. “Honey, we’re all adults, I think we can all avoid thinking about who’s sleeping with whom,” or not, “for at least a couple of hours. We even have children to distract us from an awkward conversation if all else fails.”

 

“You’re terrible,” Emma mumbled petulantly with her arms crossed over her chest. “You’re supposed to hate them on principle and save me from things like family lunches. What kind of an Evil Queen are you?!”

 

Regina let out a laugh and shook her head with humor. “A retired one, I’m afraid, so you’ll have to deal with your lovely, if incredibly annoying, parents for the day,” she told an unamused Emma who huffed in annoyance. “I love you,” she told her sweetly as she moved to press a gentle kiss on pouting lips.

 

“Yeah, yeah. Love you, too,” she grumbled, making Regina rumble with laughter. “Yeah okay, I’m no help here so I’m going to check on the kids and hope Vee develops uncontrollable magical abilities in the next five minutes and puts me out of my misery.”

 

Regina nodded seriously in agreement. “Amazing parenting as ever, dear. Hoping our child becomes a murderer to free you from family lunch is always a good tactic.”

 

Emma shrugged her shoulders on her way out. “I’m not too picky, I’d be happy if she knocked me out for the day.”

 

Not even ten minutes later, Regina was taking out the roast from the oven when the doorbell rang and she heard feet running towards her. Getting up and placing the tray on the countertop she was amused to find her assumptions correct when she saw Emma huffing with a panicked look on her face.

 

“Darling, the front door is on the opposite end of the house,” she teased her.

 

“Henry went to answer. I’m hiding,” Emma whispered seriously.

 

Regina raised an amused eyebrow as she said, “Yes, I see that. May I ask why?”

 

“Parents, Regina, nosy, annoying parents who only want the best for me,” she replied in a frustrated whisper.

 

“Uhu. I can see how that is a bad thing,” Regina said in as serious a tone as she could muster.

 

“Terrible,” Emma agreed with a solemn nod before they heard footsteps approaching. “Oh no.”

 

The look of panic on Emma’s face was too amusing but Regina was nothing if not a good host and she turned to greet the Charmings with a smile on her face. Emma was not so graceful.

 

“Mom! Dad! Hey, little man, I missed you,” she cooed, getting Neal from her father’s arms and sprinting out the door leaving behind two open-mouthed fools.

 

Regina contained her laughter and widened her smile. “Hello, everyone. Drinks?”

 

*

 

Lunch was in no way as close to a disaster as Emma had anticipated. There were moments, sure, when someone (read, Snow) would say something that led to a moment of awkwardness which Zelena reveled in and fueled it, Emma looked like she either wanted to run away or commit mass murder, and Regina would be stuck doing her best to move the conversation along, appease her girlfriend and try not to kill her sister. She ought to get an award.

 

As predicted, Emma bolted as soon as they finished eating, volunteering to take the kids outside with Henry and practically running out, dragging three toddlers along.

 

Regina was left with confused-looking Charmings and a hysterical Zelena. She went to wash the dishes looking for some peace and quiet, which, of course, was interrupted by dear Snow. 

 

“Can I just say that your sister’s friendship with David is one of the weirdest things in the world?” she said as she plopped herself on one of the island stools.

 

Regina couldn’t agree more. “I still don’t know how it happened to be honest.”

 

“Something about a shared affinity for the countryside, apparently.”

 

Regina hummed in understanding, waiting patiently for Snow to get to her point.

 

“How are you, Regina?” she asked innocently.

 

Regina rolled her eyes and scrubbed the pot harder. “I’m fine, Snow.”

 

“That’s good.” She waited for a few beats before asking, her fingers tapping the countertop rhythmically, “And how are things with Emma?”

 

Of course. No wonder Emma had run for the hills.

 

Regina decided to give up on the pots for the moment and focus her attention on Snow, hoping it would make the conversation end faster. “We’re making progress, as you can see.”

 

“That’s great,” Snow smiled brightly. “And she’s happy?” she asked in what surely was supposed to be a light tone but failed miserably, her brows crinkled in concern.

 

“Yes, Snow, I think she really is,” Regina replied with a genuine smile in reassurance. “These past two weeks of us dating again have been really nice. She smiles a lot more.”

 

Snow nodded in agreement. “She does. Has she opened up to you?”

 

Regina’s brow furrowed as she entered into a topic she had been hoping to avoid. “Some.”

 

Snow hummed, clearly trying to filter her thoughts. “And you’ve talked about…?

 

“No,” she replied curtly, wishing foolishly that that would be the end of that but she really ought to know better when it came to Snow.

 

“Well, shouldn’t you?” she asked full of righteous concern.

 

Regina took a slow breath. “Probably, and we will. In time, Snow,” she reiterated when she saw the other woman opening her mouth again.

 

“It’s been a month, Regina,” Snow huffed in frustration.

 

“I am aware.”

 

“Well?” she repeated impatiently.

 

Regina rolled her eyes, no longer containing the annoyance that was more than evident in her face and voice. “Well what, Snow? Am I going to pressure Emma into talking about something she is clearly not ready to talk about?”

 

Snow looked like the petulant child she used to be as she sat there looking at Regina in frustration. “I just…I want her to be able to move on from this and I don’t think that will happen unless everything is out on the table. You two made a baby, Regina!”

 

Regina took a deep breath to gather her thoughts. “I understand where you’re coming from and you are right, we do need to talk about things. But this is our life, our relationship and we go at our own pace. I refuse to push her because, not only is that not the right thing to do to someone you love, but because I also know that if I do that she will close up and I will lose her and there is no way in hell I’m letting that happen,” she told her firmly, refusing to let herself be pressured by Snow’s good intentions. She took in Snow’s conflicted face and said a bit more gently but no less sure. “I love her, Snow, more than I could tell you and believe me when I say that in this case I know best and I know what I’m doing.”

 

Snow let a long exhale through her nose before she said, “Okay. Just make sure you keep loving her so fiercely.”

 

“Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a big fan of Snow's but I decided to give her a break and let her act as a worried parent instead of the usual. She's still mildly annoying but perhaps in a less exasperating way.
> 
> I don't know, let me know if I was successful :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I apologize in advance.

 

“Emma. Honey, sweetheart, mother of my children, light of my days, love of my life,” she said in an overly sweet tone.

 

Emma burst out laughing at her antics. “Cut to the chase, Regina.”

 

“Darling, I love you so much and I am so very glad you’ve decided to take me out on a surprise date, but I must say, unlike you, I have no love for the woods,” she told Emma with as little disgust as she could manage while she made her way through treacherous roots that were surely intent on breaking one of her ankles. This was so not how she had envisioned spending a lovely Saturday afternoon when Emma had told her she was taking Regina on a date. “I am a Queen, Emma, I was not made to be sweating and insect-ridden in some humid forest while wearing couture!”

 

Emma just rolled her eyes fondly and kept on marching forward.

 

“I told you to wear something comfortable, Regina,” she said with amusement.

 

“This _is_ comfortable,” she replied haughtily.

 

Emma raised her eyebrows skeptically. “You’re wearing heels in the middle of the woods, how is that comfortable?”

 

Regina huffed and strode on with her chin held high. “I will never resort to ugly shoe-wear, dear, no matter how deep in the jungle you take me.”

 

Emma laughed at her dramatics but ignored the rest of her complaining until they got to a clearing and Regina stopped in her tracks as she took in the scenery. I was a wide meadow with low grass and wildflowers scatter over and the bright sun in the cloudless sky made it all the more vibrant.

 

It was beautiful, peaceful in a way she hadn’t felt in a long while. It reminded her of a place close to her family house in the Enchanted Forest where there was a serene enclosure like it where she and Daniel used to go to escape the demands and horrors of their world and just be. 

 

When she got her head back into the moment, Emma was staring at her intently, an intensity to her gaze that made Regina release a shudder.

 

She leaned forward and pressed a passionate kiss to Emma’s eager lips, Emma’s hand closing in on her waist to bring her even closer together.

 

“It’s beautiful, Emma,” she murmured after they broke off the kiss. “It reminds me of home,” she said with a wistful smile.

 

Emma swallowed audibly and Regina looked at her curiously trying to understand her sudden nervousness. 

 

She took Emma’s hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “I really do like it, dear.”

 

Emma looked at her and cleared her throat. “I’m glad.”

 

After Emma dealt with whatever emotion that was, Regina still wasn’t sure, she conjured a blanket and placed it on the ground, settling down on it and motioning for Regina to join her.

 

They lay side by side in silence for a long time, Regina enjoying the simplicity of the quiet filled with nature’s sounds, eyes closed and the sun warm on her face. 

 

When she turned to the side and opened her eyes she saw that Emma was playing with the picture of Regina she had kept on her wallet and used to show Victoria. She had a loving smile on her face but her brows were slightly crinkled in thought.

 

“I put a spell on it, you know?” she said with a small chuckle when she noticed Regina’s attention. “I wanted to preserve it forever and our daughter was a very big fan of playing with it and giving you sloppy kisses.”

 

Regina laughed lightly, her chest tight with the memory.

 

“I could never stop loving you, Regina,” Emma told her after a moment of silence. “I gave up hope but only on the surface, if that makes any sense. Deep down I always had the feeling that you’d never give up on me,” she said softly.

 

“Never,” Regina told her fervently, taking Emma’s free hand and holding it tight.

 

Emma smiled sadly. “Yeah. I was horrible to you, though, I still don’t know how you were so forgiving.”

 

“I love you,” she stated simply. “And I, more than anyone, understand what it’s like to be in so much pain that you can’t help but lash out, especially at the ones you love the most.”

 

A myriad of emotions flicked through Emma’s face in seconds, but she leaned over and pressed a gentle, if slightly hesitant, kiss on Regina’s lips.

 

She could feel Emma was in some sort of deep reflective mood again, her jaw working rhythmically as she ruminated over whatever thoughts were running around in her head. Emma had been like that for a few days but Regina had let her work it out on her own; she didn’t want to ask because she knew Emma would tell her when she was ready. Instead, she tried to be as calming a presence as she could, trying to relax Emma simply by being there. 

 

She had a feeling that what Emma was going over in her head had something to do with them, with Victoria, with the other world and her witch friend. With the _something_ they had avoided talking about for weeks. She wouldn’t lie to herself and say part of the reason she wasn’t pushing Emma to open up was that she was scared. Terrified even. She refused to think about _it_ , refused to consider the possibilities in her head, refused to let her heart be broken any further by maybes. 

 

They were quiet for a long moment, Regina’s fingers running mindless patterns on Emma’s arm as she tried to soothe her (and herself). It seemed to work and Emma’s breathing slowed, her jaw relaxed and her eyes settled. 

 

Regina took a deep calming breath and smiled to herself contentedly, closing her eyes once more as she basked in the serenity of the moment. 

 

“Remember when we first met?” Emma asked quietly, as if afraid to break the moment.

 

Regina let out an amused laugh but keep her eyes closed as she replied. “Vividly. You were completely out of your comfort zone with a ten-year-old claiming to be your son but you still acted all tough. And you were definitely checking me out,” she added with a playful nudge to Emma’s shoulder.

 

Emma was stiff by her side and her voice was trembling when she said, “No, not that time. The first time.” 

 

Regina opened her eyes in confusion and looked at Emma waiting for an explanation, her brows deeply furrowed because Emma bringing Henry home was definitely the first time they met. 

 

“You were so young, it was your tenth birthday and you got a new horse as a gift. Rocinante. You were very adamant that it needed the best carer and you eyed me up and down for a long time before you decided that I would do. You were trying to act so grown up and regal-like but all I saw was this beautiful girl with bright and excited eyes who was breathless from having galloped across the fields,” she said with a small wistful smile, a nervous energy running through her whole body and making her visibly vibrate.

 

Regina had somehow sat up straight as an arrow while Emma spoke, her eyes glued to Emma’s fearful ones trying to will her to make sense. Because the words coming out of Emma’s mouth made no sense at all, they were an impossibility.

 

“What are you talking about, Emma?” Regina asked her, fear clear in her voice.

 

“ _Us_ ,” Emma said and her face was suddenly much calmer, her eyes settled and willing Regina to understand whatever mystery she was trying to communicate. “Do you remember when you came running down to the stables when you were fourteen and you cried and cried in my arms because your mother had punished you when you said you didn’t want to be a queen? It was the day we had our first kiss, and I was so happy I managed to turn your tears from ones of sorrow to joy.”

 

“No,” Regina said numbly while she shook her head repeatedly. “ _No_. That wasn’t you, Emma,” she added more firmly. 

 

It wasn’t. That was absolutely not her story with Emma. That was a story privy to only two people and one of them was long dead so whatever Emma was trying to do it had to stop.

 

“Our first time was both sweet and a fumbling mess, remember?” Emma asked softly, ignoring Regina’s torment and going forward with the absurdity she was trying to get her to believe in. It was not possible, it was just _not_ possible. “I was just eighteen, I had no idea what I was doing because you were the only girl I’d ever loved and the only one I’d ever wanted to be with. But it was amazing,” she said reverently.

 

“ _No_. Please stop, Emma, _please_ ,” Regina begged as she got up on shaky legs and realized she could barely see a thing in front of her because she was crying nonstop. 

 

Why was Emma doing this to her? Why would she torture her with these memories when there was no way… Regina didn’t think about him if she could help it. She didn’t dwell on the memories of their shared past when all they brought was so much pain she felt like a sword was splitting her open from the inside out. She _couldn’t_ think about him and their love.

 

“This is impossible,” she whispered hoarsely as she turned to Emma, still sitting on the blanket with her knees bent up and arms folded around them. “I don’t know how you’re doing this but you need to stop.”

 

Emma looked at her sadly, her lips pursed in understanding. “I was there, Regina.”

 

“No!” Regina yelled in desperation. “ _No_! That was _Daniel_ , Emma! All of that was about Daniel and me. You can’t…” A choked sob of pain broke through her chest rendering her incapable of finishing her sentence.

 

Emma paused for a moment, her head tilted and sorrow filled eyes looking at her unwaveringly. 

 

“When you were seventeen you decided that we would get a fairy godmother to help us be together because we were soulmates and surely they would be willing to fight your mother if that meant helping True Love,” she said with more than a tinge of resentment in her voice. “We were very naive.”

 

“Please…Please stop,” Regina whispered brokenly.

 

“When your mother crushed my heart I wished that we could be together again, Regina. I got my wish,” she said with the saddest smile.

 

“No,” she whimpered as she fell back to the ground on her knees, sobbing uncontrollably. “Please tell me that’s not true, please…”

 

Emma leaned closer but she didn’t touch her, tears rolling down her own face. “It’s a burden and a blessing. That’s what Lenora told me when she explained her magic to me. She told me I might see things I didn’t want to know, remember things I’d rather I never even knew I could remember. Knowledge is often a curse Regina, but knowing _you_ , knowing how much I loved you before…that I could never regret,” she said fervently, her earnest eyes begging Regina for something she was unable to give.

 

“Emma, please…I can’t. I just can’t,” she sobbed as she vanished herself home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me yet! 
> 
> (I might let you if the ending is total shit - fingers crossed for my survival)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well, I am apparently sneakier than I ever intended to be.  
> I've updated the tags so people don't get invested in something they're not into.  
> But just to clarify, Emma is still very much Emma, she just used to be someone else before and she has the memories...  
> Anyway, let me know your thoughts :)

 

Regina wished she could stop feeling. Stop feeling, stop thinking, stop existing. Just for a moment. All she wanted was a moment where the memory of the past hour did not make her life come crashing down around her. Just one, single, solitary moment of peace.

 

Instead, she got feelings. That was her problem for most of her life though, wasn’t it? She felt everything to the extreme. She loved too hard, hurt too hard, hated too hard. She didn’t know how to do feelings halfway.

 

She had loved Daniel so hard. For years they were happy, in love, with the idea of a distant yet happy future planted firmly in their heads in typical adolescent idealized utopia. Because why wouldn’t it be? They were soulmates, they had True Love, in what way could the universe ever not favor them? Wasn’t that what all the stories she’d heard since she was a girl told? The princess meets the prince and they fall in love and live happily ever after. The end. 

 

Except he was no prince, and he did not live ever after. She was left alone, she who loved so hard and hurt even harder. She who suffered for years through the pain of having half her soul ripped away from her before they could even reach the happily in the ever after. 

 

She hurt really hard. She hurt so bad that she became that hurt and it seeped out of her into everyone surrounding her. It was the only way she knew how to be. Regina didn’t do feelings halfway.

 

She spread her hurt so everyone could join her in the feeling because misery surely loves company, and she was nothing if not absolutely miserable for more than four decades. And she was still absolutely lonely. She was surrounded by pain and she’d never been so alone. 

 

She was the cause of so much pain and destruction. Had someone told her when she was a young dreamy girl that one day she would become the epitome of evil in her lands she would have laughed and called them silly and not given it another thought. Because life was certainly going to go in her favor. She was good. She had love. She loved the most amazing boy in the world and he loved her in return and of course they would get their happily ever after and their house in the prairie with happy children running around and love overflowing from all of them.

 

Had someone told Daniel when he was a young star-eyed boy that Regina would become the epitome of evil in their lands he would have laughed and called them silly and not given it another thought. Because Daniel knew her, knew the girl who loved harder than anyone else and was so happy and so _good_. Surely that girl deserved the universe to work its magic and set up a perfect ever after for her. Surely.

 

The universe was cruel, Regina learned at too young an age. The universe also had a sick sense of humor and the princess did not get her happily ever after with her not-prince, but she did marry the old king and she did get to look after a child that was not hers and live in a castle with no real laughter and no real happiness and no real love for a long, long time.

 

And the universe was even crueler and with an even sicker sense of humor to bring back the one person who had only known her as nothing but good and kind and only capable of fierce love and to thrust them in the face of the thing she had become.

 

The only consolation she had about Daniel’s death was that he never knew what she transformed into. He never knew the other side of her feeling things too hard. He never knew the consequences his death had had on her. To him, she would always remain that girl. _Good_. 

 

But Emma…

 

Emma had taken that one consolation away from her because Emma _knew_ her. Emma knew almost everything there was to know about her. And it was one thing to talk to Emma about all the bad things she had done in the past, one thing to have Emma fall in love with someone who was trying their best to overcome all the evil they had done; and it was a completely different thing to have her know exactly what she used to be, how good she used to be and how very far she had fallen.

 

Emma remembering was…torture. It was pure torture. There was no escape now. There was no place now, no untainted memory where the thing she had become after her future came crashing down on her didn’t tarnish. There was no longer the safe and immaculate memories Daniel had of her where she was still pure.

 

Because Daniel was Emma and Emma was Daniel and that was…

 

Torture.

 

She needed those untarnished memories to exist. She needed someone to know how she used to be and just that. She needed to know that there was something she hadn’t ruined, one relationship she hadn't tainted with her evil heart. One person in the world who kept young, good Regina preserved forever. One place, even if it was just in someone’s consciousness lost in the mysteries of the universe, where the future remained an idolized utopia and she remained the dreamy girl so sure of the goodness and fairness of the universe and her absolute right to her happily ever after. One place where a young girl still believed in good and fairy godmothers and knew nothing of how cruel the world was, of how her own mother would be responsible for ruining her life.

 

She needed not to have the love of her life, her soulmate, her True Love, know what a monster she had become. She needed to not feel so ashamed, so tainted, so absolutely evil in their eyes. She needed to forget the look in Emma’s eyes that was so purely Daniel because she needed him not to know what she had become. 

 

She couldn’t, though. She…He… _They_ knew. Emma knew and Daniel knew and they were one and the same because her soulmate had loved her so much that he came back to her. Back to be this beautiful, amazing human whose life Regina had completed destroyed. _She_ did that. All her hurt at losing him had made her responsible for the horrible life Emma had had, away from her parents and everyone who loved her, sent away to an unknown world when she was hours old to protect her from her own soulmate. Regina did that. 

 

Regina was responsible for all of their suffering. Daniel, Emma. It was her. The common denominator in all the pain was her and why on earth would the universe be so cruel as to give such a pure, caring, loving soul like theirs a vile soulmate like Regina? How was that in the slightest fair? How did any of them deserve her?

 

Emma said she forgave her a long time ago. She said Regina wasn’t responsible for her parents’ decisions. But what about Daniel? Now that Emma remembered, now that they had the same memories, would he also forgive her? Did she even deserve that forgiveness?

 

She had forgiven herself. For the most part, she had. When she knew that Emma was Emma and Emma had only known the Evil Queen version of Regina so she could expect no more. For that Emma, anything Regina did that was remotely good was a step up from the Evil Queen she used to be so, of course, she forgave her when she sought redemption because that was the type of person Emma was. She forgave people and gave them a second chance when they were trying to become a better person. 

 

But Daniel, Daniel had known how good she _used_ to be, he had known the best version of Regina there used to be and now this Emma knew how very, _very_ far she had fallen and she wasn’t sure if there was any coming back from that because can you really forgive someone for only becoming half as decent as they used to be?

 

She was always going to be tainted now, no matter how reformed, there would always be that part that reacted to her worse impulses because she had nurtured them for so long in favor of her better ones that they became almost second nature.

 

Could this Emma with this new understanding of her really forgive her? Could she ever truly love her again, the Regina she used to be and the Regina she had become? Could Regina ever deal with seeing the disappointment in Emma’s eyes as Daniel shone through? Could she deal with the loss of the perfect immortalized version of herself that she used to think was somewhere in the universe but on which she relied so much?

 

She needed to just not feel, even for a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can promise that 95% of the angst fest is over, so onto their happy ending up next :D


	21. Chapter 21

 

Regina was not proud of her actions, but there was no hiding behind facts. 

 

She ran.

 

She couldn’t stand her house any longer with all the memories embedded in its walls tormenting her as the seconds ticked by, so she up and left. 

 

Not too far. She didn’t need to run away from her life, exactly, she just needed to think. So she holed up in Gold’s cabin in the woods (he owed her so many favors he certainly wouldn’t mind) after she sent Emma a message asking for some time.

 

She needed to think. She needed time to reconcile all the versions of her soulmate in her head and in her heart. She needed to reconcile with the fact that she had disappointed the most important person in her life and there was no way she could ever take back Daniel’s knowledge of the effect his death had had on her, of just how thoroughly she had let him down. Of how she’d used his memory to justify all the hatred that brewed in her heart and fueled her worst actions.

 

She needed time. 

 

And wine. 

 

She needed lots and lots of wine. In fact, halfway through her second bottle of wine she loudly proclaimed to the empty cabin that wine was her true and only best friend, BFF even (to her shame, she used those exact words), and that she would just forget about soulmates and stupid things like love and she would devote her life to wine. By her third bottle, she had made a very detailed list in her mind of how she would move to a small village in France and buy some vineyards and dedicate the rest of her life to wine production. It was her new dream.

 

Of course, wine was also her worst enemy at three pm the next day when she woke up on the crinkly old couch with the worst hangover of her entire life and she promptly rejected any activity that involved producing more of that evil, evil liquid.

 

Her resolve to stay away from her BFF turned nemesis was not so strong a few hours later when she once again resumed her drinking and later proceeded to collapse once more in a drunken stupor, face first on the most uncomfortable mattress she’d ever touched. Naturally, she didn’t notice this fact until she woke up the next afternoon and her whole body was screaming at her in pain.

 

She was firmly regretting her life choices when there was some heavy knocking on the door, quickly followed by her sister barging in, making her wince in pain at the noise.

 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” a blurry red ball of furry yelled as she stormed in toward her.

 

“Shh, too loud,” Regina complained without moving from her not so comfortable spot on the couch, her eyes barely open more than a couple of millimeters.

 

Undeterred and feeling no mercy, Zelena continued yelling. “Oh, I’m sorry, am I speaking too loudly to someone who’s apparently forgotten her responsibilities and has barricaded herself in a filthy cabin for days and is now sporting a massive hangover?” 

 

Were Regina not feeling so shitty she would have perhaps been impressed with the sight of her sister standing in front of her looking very unimpressed, arms on her hips and face flushed with righteous fury.

 

Regina shushed her again. “Yes. Now quiet down, please, I’m your older sister and I deserve some respect in my injured state.”

 

“ _I’m_ your older sister!” Zelena screamed in frustration, the shrill eliciting another wince from Regina.

 

“Oh. Right.” Perhaps she was still slightly inebriated. She did consume an exorbitant amount of wine with barely any food to go with. “But I’m the more responsible one so shush, inside voices,” Regina whispered, wishing her whispering would result in her sister whispering back like it so often happens when one whispers. It was not the case.

 

“Responsible?!” Zelena scoffed much too loudly. “Is this what you call _responsible_? You have children, Regina!”

 

Regina felt guilt coming over her but the alcohol was still dulling her emotions slightly so she mumbled weekly, “Emma can handle them.”

 

“Emma is a living, breathing mess who is out of her mind with worry for you but who hasn’t come over because you sent her a stupid message asking for space and the bloody fool is being too bloody noble to do anything but wait!”

 

“Can’t you say the same thing without yelling?” Regina begged her as she pressed her palms to her eyes trying to alleviate the pressure. And perhaps foolishly pretend she was an ostrich and what she didn’t see was not there.

 

“You’re a fucking _witch_ , Regina! A bloody powerful one might I add, so why on earth are you still hungover?”

 

Regina remained silent and removed her hands from her eyes but avoided her sister’s probing stare.

 

Zelena took deep a breath and approached her more gently, sitting carefully next to her on the couch and conjuring up a small vile with a clear liquid inside.

 

“I don’t know what you think you’ll accomplish by letting yourself be in pain but you and I both know that physical pain will in no way diminish emotional one, and this is not the way to go,” she said in a far more understanding tone than Regina deserved.

 

She nudged the vial closer to Regina who took it reluctantly but still didn’t drink. Zelena huffed at her in annoyance and uncorked it, taking Regina’s hand and making her lift up the vial to her mouth.

 

“Drink up, little sis, you know I won’t leave you alone until you do,” she threatened. 

 

Regina rolled her eyes and took a begrudging sip, downing the whole thing in one go. It was a miracle cure. One minute her head was pounding and the lights were killing her and the next her head was painless. 

 

If only the rest of her would follow.

 

“Better?” Zelena asked kindly.

 

Regina only grumbled in annoyance and leaned back against the couch that was trying to literally stab her in the back and put her feet up, knees pressed tight against her chest. 

 

“Wanna talk about it?

 

“I thought you talked to Emma,” she mumbled petulantly.

 

Zelena looked at her seriously and shook her head. “No. She just mentioned you were upset about something but wouldn’t say what. I think I deserve a medal for letting her make me wait so long to come and get you.”

 

“Two days, don’t be so dramatic,” Regina huffed.

 

“Two days too long. Now spill,” she ordered.

 

Regina rolled her eyes but begrudgingly mumbled under her breath, “Emma’s my soulmate.”

 

“Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.”

 

“Emma’s my soulmate,” she repeated louder.

 

Zelena rolled her eyes fondly. “No shit, Sherlock. You two did make a baby.”

 

Regina glared at her unamused. “She’s my soulmate and Daniel was my soulmate.”

 

“So you have two soulmates?” she asked confused. “That’s a bit ridiculous.”

 

Regina shook her head. “Not two. One. One soul, two people.”

 

Zelena was finally quiet for more than one second, looking at her with her brows furrowed as she tried to assimilate the words. “Come again?

 

“Reincarnation, Zelena,” Regina huffed impatiently. “When Daniel died his soul went who knows where and then waited and then was born again as Emma so we’d have another chance at being together,” she hurriedly explained.

 

Zelena looked at her and did a double take before a smile blossomed on her lips. “Well, I’ll be damned. I always knew Emma was stubborn as a mule but this is a whole other level of commitment.” 

 

“It’s not funny,” Regina grumbled sourly.

 

“No, but it is stupidly romantic. No wonder she came back as a Charming.” 

 

Regina laughed. On the inside. Outside she was too busy being grumpy and using her sour mood to do a poor attempt at masking her pain.

 

“So what’s the problem, little sis? You got your soulmate back, you should be elated,” Zelena asked gently.

 

“Emma now remembers being Daniel.”

 

“And?

 

Regina bit her lip before answering, voice laden with regret. “And I was actually a good person when Daniel was still alive and, in fact, became the Evil Queen because I was suffering too much from his death and mother was terrible and Rumple was even worse and I did horrible things for years, including to Emma, who is also Daniel and who very much remembers who I used to be and now also knows who I’ve become,” she said in one stint, thing a deep breath after she finished.

 

Zelena looked at her for a long time here saying a much eloquent, “Ah. I see.”

 

“Yes,” she concluded, glad to be understood and happy to be left alone to dwell on her misery and sulk away her sorrows. She might even be tempted to revisit her love-hate relationship with wine soon.

 

“Alrighty then. Time to get your arse off this hideous monstrosity someone called a sofa and back to your house straight to the shower,” Zelena announced with renewed energy as she got herself up from said torture contraption and looked at Regina expectantly.

 

Regina looked at her dejectedly. She had very much hoped she would be left in peace for at least another month. One day even, and she’d be happy. “What?”

 

“Shower, Regina, that marvelous invention that keeps you nice and clean and smelling good. Because you stink and there is no way I’m letting you talk to Emma in this miserable state.”

 

“I don’t want to talk to Emma,” Regina grumbled miserably.

 

“I don’t recall asking you if you wanted to. I said you will,” Zelena asserted with all her big sister authority. “Now get up before I force you to do so and march yourself to your bathroom. Do not for one moment think I won't strip you down myself and shove you into the shower because you know better than that.”

 

Regina cringed at the visual. “I hate you. Being an only child was so much better.”

 

Zelena smiled at her wickedly. “I love you, too, little sis, which is why I will absolutely force you to get out of this funk and talk to your soulmate who loves you so much that she managed to find a way back to you in this lifetime. Do you know how rare that is, Regina? To experience that kind of love once in your life let alone twice in the same lifetime? Look at me! It even has the power of turning _me_ into a sap so you better hurry this along before I embarrass myself further.”

 

Regina felt an involuntary lift of her lips and the chaos inside her swirling slightly slower. “Okay, I can do this.”


	22. Chapter 22

 

Zelena was absolutely right. She did stink. That shower was the best thing she’d had in ages and it cleared her mind like no amount of alcoholic consumption could ever hope to do. Suddenly the world didn’t seem like it was conspiring too obviously against her and the prospect of speaking with Emma was not as daunting.

 

She was applying some moisturizer on her legs, hair rolled up in a towel to dry when there was a shy knock on her door and Emma’s head pocked in through the half-open door.

 

“Emma. Hi.”

 

“Zelena let me in,” she said, standing awkwardly by the door. “She took the kids and informed me they are having a sleepover at my house and I’m not allowed to get back until morning,” she added with an exasperated yet amused eye roll.

 

Regina chuckled because she should not have expected anything else. “Yes, that’s my sister.”

 

Emma rubbed the back of her neck nervously, her eyes sweeping the floor for anything interesting and then roaming back to Regina.

 

“I needed to know you’re okay,” she said worriedly.

 

Regina nodded, removed the towel from her head and hung it on the door, running a hand through her hair as she sat down on the bed, patting the space next to her for Emma to follow.

 

“I wasn’t,” she told her quietly. “My head was spinning. Actually, it still is, only much more slowly now.”

 

“Yeah, I get it. Took me much longer to become fully functioning after I found out,” Emma told her with a sympathetic smile.

 

“And how did you find out?” Regina asked her, knowing full well she was opening something she probably wanted to keep closed for longer. But Zelena was right, it had to be done, they had to talk, _really_ talk, not just keep things on the surface level and hope time would bring some magical deeper understanding. So she dove right in.

 

“I was pregnant and I had no idea how,” Emma told her simply. “Lenora found me weeks after I got there, she was in the forest looking for some herbs and we got to talking and she wanted to help me. Of course, I didn’t want to leave the forest because what if that’s where you opened up a portal and I was in a village far away and you wouldn’t find me?” she said ruefully.

 

Regina’s heart constricted at the mental picture like it did every time she thought about that. Every time she pictured a pregnant Emma alone and afraid in some mysterious place waiting for help that was two years too late.

 

“Eventually though, I had to accept her help,” Emma continued. “There was no sign you’d come and I was getting bigger and it really wasn’t safe. When I finally asked her if she had any idea how I could’ve gotten pregnant she said it happens sometimes with soulmates. Know what I did next?” she asked with a smirk.

 

“What?”

 

“I laughed. Honest to god burst out laughing in her face because what she was saying was absolutely ridiculous. There was no way, right? I mean, I knew all about Daniel and then Tink led you to Robin so you already had plenty of soulmates and there was no way that I was one of them,” she said with a rueful smile.

 

“I never really thought Robin was my soulmate, at least not in the same way Daniel was,” Regina told her softly. “It was more that I wanted someone who would love me no matter what, who was destined to do so,” she said with a hint of shame, still embarrassed over her inability to deal with the flood of feelings Emma had brought and having chosen Robin over her for too long. “I loved him but the connection wasn’t the same as with Daniel. With _you_. It just wasn’t the same feeling.”

 

Emma nodded in understanding and gave her a small smile. “So after my little outburst, Lenora told me that her magic was quite different to mine because, amongst other things, she could make someone remember their past lives.” Regina raised a skeptical eyebrow at that, even though she knew it must be true. “Yup, that was my reaction. I told her she’d gone crazy but then the idea was just ruminating around in my head for days so I asked her to show me because I needed to prove her wrong. There was just no way.”

 

Regina narrowed her eyes at her and went for the most reproachful tone she could muster at the moment. 

 

“Emma Swan, were you challenging powerful witches while pregnant with our daughter?”

 

Emma laughed guiltily but waved a dismissive hand in her direction. 

 

“Pft, Lenora’s a softy. And I’m the Savior, give me some credit,” she teased as she nudged Regina’s shoulder playfully and kept them touching as she continued. “So yeah. Long story short, she did it. It was like dreaming but all of a sudden I was just filled with memories, like reliving my other life as if I was watching a movie, you know? All these memories of my life as Daniel just flashing through my eyes…And you, so much of you,” she said, her eyes lost for a moment in recollection.

 

Regina was choking up on so many emotions that all she managed to do was ask in a mix of wonder and fear, “So you remember everything? About us?”

 

Emma nodded and smiled. “Everything. I definitely believed you fairytale people’s whole soulmate nonsense then.” Regina gave her a look and Emma just laughed lightly as she said, “I know you were always very adamant about True Love and soulmates being real and souls traveling together through time, meeting again and again, but I’d always just thought…It sounds pretty, you know? It sounds really nice to know that you have someone predestined to go through life- _lives-_ with you, but it also sounded like a whole lot of bullshit. I mean, who actually believes in that crap? And you know I always rebelled against destiny, so why would I want someone that was _fated_ to be with me when it would be so much better to just make my own decisions?” she asked ruefully, a shake of her head indicating just how well her own rebellion against the universe had turned out for her.

 

Regina felt her own feelings echoed in Emma’s thoughts and she nodded in agreement.

 

“We _do_ make our own decisions though. _We_ chose each other before we knew any of this. And before, that we chose not to for way too many years,” she said as she recalled years of fighting and heartache, the pain mirrored in Emma’s face. “We chose to fight the pull towards each other and be with other people and then we chose to accept our connection. So I think we do have a choice.”

 

Emma looked at her for a long moment before nodding. “Yeah, we do.”

 

“Did you remember other lives?” Regina asked cautiously, curiosity winning over her fear of actually knowing.

 

Emma shook her head vigorously before replying. “Oh no. I stopped Lenora right after Daniel’s. One was more than enough for me. Let me just tell you, don’t ever do it, there are some experiences that are just not worth having and seeing yourself die for the second time is definitely one of them,” she said with an over-expressive shudder. 

 

Regina knew Emma was trying to lighten up the mood with a joke but she just felt herself choke up with emotion and tears were falling down her cheeks before she could even stop them.

 

“Hey, hey,” Emma cooed gently wiping the falling tears from her face. “I'm here now, okay? It’s just a memory.”

 

Regina looked at those eyes so like his and cried even harder, her heart hurting for the millionth time at the image of his life leaving his eyes all those years ago.

 

“You _died,_ Emma,” she managed through a wet sob. “You died and you left me and you went through it another time and the pain…”

 

Emma held her face with both hands and searched for her gaze, holding it once she found it. “It didn’t hurt, baby. Not really, not the second time. It was more the memory of it. I hurt for _you_ , for your pain when your mother…” she chocked up and cleared her throat before she continued, trying for a smile that came out more pained than anything. “It’s okay, I would go through it again for you.”

 

That had Regina’s heart shattering into tiny little, jagged pieces that pierced her whole chest. “You died _because_ of me!” she cried in desperation. “Because you loved _me_.”

 

“Don’t you ever think that, Regina,” Emma said suddenly angry. “I died because your mother was a horrible, manipulative bitch and that had nothing to do with you. I would have done it all the same, my love, even if that was the only lifetime I had with you, I would have done it again because loving you was the best thing that I ever did with either of my lives.”

 

“I _lost_ you, Daniel,” she whispered brokenly.

 

A flash of pain passed through Emma’s face and Regina knew it was because of the name she’d used, but she didn’t know how else to transmit what she was feeling. She instantly regretted saying it, not wanting to be the cause for yet more of Emma’s pain so she took Emma’s hand in hers in an attempt at softening the blow, pleading with her eyes. Emma shook her head as Regina was about to open her mouth and apologize, effectively cutting her off.

 

“But you got Emma back. I’m still me. My essence, my _soul_ ,” she said with an eye roll, “is the same. Deep down, the things that matter, it’s all still there. I have a different story now, I have different experiences that have shaped who I am in this life but…my core is the same. My _love_ is the same,” she said passionately, her eyes gleaming with unshed tears.

 

Regina nodded through a fresh roll of tears but couldn’t get her throat to work.

 

“Do you think you can accept me like this?” Emma asked, making Regina frown at her in confusion. “As Emma? Can you handle the fact that you’ll be loving one soul but two lives?”

 

Regina looked at her intensely trying to convey as surely as she could the meaning of her next words. 

 

“I have always and I will _always_ love you. I loved you as Daniel and I love you as Emma and I will love you when we come back for another and another and yet another life.”

 

Emma nodded and cleared the tears from her own eyes.

 

“So what’s the real problem? Why were you so freaked out?” she asked looking deeply into her eyes with a slight frown marking her concentration as she searched for her answers.

 

Regina looked away in shame because the eyes gazing back at her were so pure and so _Daniel_ that the guilt came crippling back. 

 

Emma touched her cheek softly leaving her hand there once again to get her to look up as she said, “You know you can tell me anything, Regina.”

 

“You have Emma’s memories,” she whispered after a beat as she pleaded with her eyes for understanding.

 

Emma gave her a confused look but nodded, willing her to continue.

 

“You know things about my life after…after Daniel died. You know what I’ve become,” she said fearfully and Emma’s eyes widened in understanding.

 

“I love you, Regina,” she vowed solemnly.

 

“How? How can you still love me after knowing what I’ve become?” she cried desperately. “You know how bad I was, you saw me as the Evil Queen, how can you love me after that? How can you _forgive_ me?”

 

“Your life was not only about your choices, Regina.”

 

Regina shook her head angrily. “ _I_ made those choices, Emma, _I chose_ to follow that path.”

 

“You were led towards that path by forces outside your control. You were dealt a really shitty hand and you made bad choices along the way but you are not a bad person,” she said and the level of understanding was bordering on sickening. 

 

It was just too much. Regina didn’t deserve any of it, she didn’t deserve to be so understood and she didn’t want to be absolved of blame that was all her responsibility. Considering how little of her life had actually been hers to control, at least she wanted to be able to claim her free will, horrible as those choices had been.

 

“I killed people! I did horrible things in the name of revenge for _your_ death! How can you sit there and even stand to look at me when you know the me before you and the me after you?!” she sobbed in agony. 

 

She made a move to get off the bed because she suddenly needed out. She needed to just get up and out and find some air that she could breathe because the only air left in the room was so heavy she could barely take a breath and her head was spinning out of control and her tears wouldn’t stop flowing and suddenly she was heaving agonized and desperate sobs in an attempt to find some breathable air and she really just needed to get out.

 

Emma wouldn’t let her, though. She wrapped her arms around Regina and ran soothing circles around her back and breathed deeply until their breaths matched and held Regina so tight that for a moment she could think they were just one. One body, one soul, reunited after a lifetime of searching and finding and losing and searching again.

 

“And I also know the you after our son. And the you after this me. I know them all and I love them all. Even the Evil Queen,” Emma said quietly in her ear and Regina struggled in her arms to get away because it was just too much again, but Emma held on tighter. She cupped Regina’s face in her hands once more and Emma’s eyes were filled with so much love and adoration it left her breathless. “I love you, Regina. You’re not perfect and neither am I, and that’s okay. I loved young you who was so brave and fierce and gentle and hopeful and I loved the Evil Queen who was so broken but who kept fighting for a sliver of happiness because she was a survivor and I loved the mayor who gave our son a loving home and raised him to be the amazing young man he turned out to be and I love _you_ , the you who is all those things and more and who accepts her flaws and fights every day a constant battle with herself and with the world to be the best possible version of herself. The you who fought with me and fought _for_ me and loves so hard that it’s almost palpable. The one who is so caring and funny and sassy and passionate and just so _strong_. All of you, Regina. Always.”


	23. Chapter 23

 

She barely noticed herself moving until her head was surging forward and Emma was meeting her halfway in a heated kiss that left them both breathless. Tears were still falling down her cheeks, and so were Emma’s and the kiss was salty and wet and absolutely perfect because she was kissing Emma and she was kissing her _soulmate_. 

 

Their lips met again and again in between whispered declarations of love and her heart was so full to bursting that it almost hurt. She could almost feel the love seeping out through every surface of her body and she burned with need and want. 

 

Suddenly she was intensifying the kiss, going deeper and harder and Emma was giving back as good as she got if not more and she could see the same burning in those green eyes amongst the love swimming in them. It was dizzying but it was the best type of dizzying because it meant coming home.

 

Finally, _finally_ , after what felt like forever she felt whole again. She kissed every part of Emma’s body and she got much the same treatment, each touch of lips on her skin leaving her raw with sensation. She was shuddering nonstop at the raking hands and she marveled at being able to touch Emma’s whole body again, no constraints, no holding back, no fears. Just them, skin to skin feeling _everything_.

 

It was better this time though, better than it had ever been (and it had always been amazing) because she wasn’t holding anything back. This was Emma and her soulmate, all in one beautiful vessel that was just her _Emma_. She was all of it, she looked at her with two sets of eyes that were one and the same and she loved with double the reverence because she loved the girl and she loved the woman and that was everything.

 

They rose higher and higher in tandem, one chasing the other and pushing the other on and the sensations were close to overwhelming and Regina was full, just so _full_ when she came crashing down followed closely by Emma who looked just as full and it was perfect. Emma was perfect. She was everything.

 

*

 

They lay naked in each other’s arms, rejoicing in the sensation of coming together as one, of being together again, of reconnecting. Emma’s nails were running along Regina’s stomach and giving her goosebumps, making her smile with delight.

 

“Okay, new rule. We are never allowed to go more than a month without this,” Regina told her seriously. “I was dying of sexual frustration.”

 

Emma cleared her throat pointedly and then gave her a look which made Regina blush with embarrassment.

 

“I’m sorry, I forgot,” she sheepishly said, but Emma smiled at her and kissed her passionately.

 

“It’s okay. I’m glad you can forget sometimes,” Emma smiled but her eyes revealed a flash of pain that made Regina hug her tighter. “And I definitely agree, you are way too sexy for me to go so long without touching you,” she added with a wink making Regina chuckle lightly.

 

She knew Emma was still not completely okay, that there were still things they had to work out together and that Emma had to process alone and with Archie, and she knew it would probably be a long process still, but she was happy that they were making progress, that the past couple of hours had lead to the biggest leap forward so far.

 

“We made a baby, Emma,” Regina whispered reverently, still with a half-dazed smile on her lips.

 

Emma chuckled and kissed her head and hummed her agreement. “Yeah, that was quite something.”

 

“She’s perfect. They both are. We make amazing babies together,” Regina said dreamily causing Emma to laugh.

 

“We sure do, babe.”

 

Regina pinched her lightly and glared at her half-heartedly. “You know I hate it when you call me ‘babe’,” she said with as much contempt for the word as she could muster at the moment. (It was an insignificant amount unfortunately, she was just too content.)

 

Emma rolled her eyes and smirked cheekily. “You love it.”

 

“No, but I do love you,” she smiled and moved in for a kiss which quickly escalated. Halfway through kissing down Emma’s stomach she suddenly jumped off and sat up straight leaving a very confused Emma to gape at her.

 

“What happened?”

 

“We made a baby, Emma!” she told her urgently, trying to convey a message that was clearly not being received fast enough.

 

“We’ve just been through this, babe, we love our kids very much and they are perfect.”

 

“No, you idiot! We _made_ a _baby_!” She repeated pointing to themselves back and for the make her point. “We had sex and we made a magical baby because we are soulmates and apparently those things can happen without our control and we just had sex again and we are still soulmates and what if you get pregnant again?! We can’t have another baby right now, it’s too soon! And I really don’t want to stop having sex with you-”

 

“Hey, hey,” Emma repeated louder until Regina finally calmed down and stopped her frenzy. “I can’t have another baby, Regina. Victoria’s delivery really was bad and I got all messed up so…” she shrugged as if it was no big deal but the sadness in her eyes betrayed her. Regina knew exactly what that pain was, except Emma had had the chance to go through all the good and the bad of a pregnancy before.

 

Regina leaned forward and kissed her gently, settling back down in her arms. “I’m sorry, Emma.”

 

“It’s okay. Two is good,” she said with a soft smile. “And if we ever want more we can always adopt.”

 

Regina smiled back and nodded. They had plenty of time.

 

“I used to want a house full of children, remember?” she recalled with an amused smile.

 

Emma let out a good-natured laugh at the memory. “Yeah. At one point we settled for seven because you wanted ten and I thought that was just ridiculous.”

 

“Seven is as equally ridiculous, dear,” Regina said with an eye roll.

 

“Oh I know, but that’s because now we know just how much work raising a kid is.”

 

Regina hummed in agreement. “We were going to have a house in the prairie full of horses,” she said fondly, the image of two lovestruck teenagers planning their future in a meadow in the woods coming to her head.

 

She had avoided thinking back to memories of her and Daniel for so long that she had almost believed she would have forgotten, but she recalled them easily now and it brought her such lightness, a warm feeling spreading from her heart to her whole body.

 

“Yeah, I really don’t know what happened to my love of horses in this life but it did not commute,” Emma replied with a shake of her head.

 

“I think it was your love for the girl who loved horses,” Regina teased her.

 

“Absolutely,” Emma agreed, a goofy grin on her face.

 

“And I hate the woods. There is no way I would choose to live surrounded by manure and bugs and no running water or lights.”

 

Emma laughed at the image and said, “We both changed.”

 

“Hmm. You’re still good.”

 

“So are you,” Emma said firmly.

 

Regina looked at her skeptically.

 

Emma held her chin captive as she reiterated, “You _are_ good, Regina, it was just hidden away for a while there but you found your way back.”

 

“I’m not sure how good of a person it makes me to think I wouldn’t change anything about our life.”

 

“That has nothing to do with it. I wouldn’t change anything either,” Emma said with a shrug.

 

Regina looked at her curiously. “No?”

 

“No. If things hadn’t happened the way they did there would be no Henry and no Victoria and I don’t want a world where they don’t exist,” she told her seriously. “And I like our story, Regina. I like that we fought for what we had, that we loved each other again, this me and this you even when we thought we weren’t soulmates because we chose to love each other. The knowledge is more like a confirmation of what we already felt but it didn’t make us love each other any different.”

 

“No,” Regina agreed. “But more, perhaps, because I love you more and more every day.”

 

Emma chuckled and smiled brightly “That was so cheesy, _babe_.”

 

Regina rolled her eyes and shoved her humorously. “Says the woman who’s been making nonstop love declarations.”

 

“Hey, I have two lifetime’s worth of memories in here,” she said pointing at her head, “That gives me automatic grounds for extra cheesiness.”

 

Regina smiled lovingly and kissed her before softly asking, “How is that?”

 

“Two memories?” she asked and Regina nodded. “Well, I consider all the cursed memories I have like good practice. Those are different though because they feel less real, less detailed. More magical, you know? I could always easily tell the difference between the two because my real memories have always felt more…well, real,” she said with a shrug. “These ones though, Daniel’s, they're just as real. It was extremely confusing at first. Two sets of very real lives, parents, worlds. One constant though - _you_.”

 

“Do you regret getting them?” she asked cautiously, afraid to know the answer.

 

“I could never regret knowing you, Regina,” she said with a firm shake of her head and Regina felt herself breathe a little easier. “Would my head be less confusing without them? Sure. But it gave me you.”

 

“You consider them his and yours though, right? Two separate lives, two different memories?” she asked hesitantly.

 

It was a concept she was still struggling with. To unify these two not so different people into one while keeping them separate at the same time. Should she even do it? Did Emma even consider herself as completely separate from Daniel? 

 

Regina wasn’t truly sure what to think. She loved them the same. She loved Daniel and she loved Emma and they were one but also not. 

 

What she had struggled through with the most since meeting Emma was her feelings for her. She couldn’t comprehend how she could feel the same for Emma as she did for Daniel and it felt like such a betrayal to his memory, to their love, that she had always forced herself to make a distinction, to fabricate a wedge in her heart for the two. One type of love for Daniel, one for Emma. She knew that for so long she was being completely unfair to Emma for never allowing herself to love her as completely as she wished, to reiterate in her head the illusion that there should be a difference in how she felt for both of them.

 

So Emma got her own separate space in Regina’s heart so that Regina could retain a sense of sanity, a peace settlement of sorts with her younger self. She knew she was fabricating the distinction, stopping herself from fully being with Emma as she wished, that her foolish sense of loyalty to her long-lost soulmate was stopping her from living completely happily with someone that felt so much like her soulmate.

 

Which she was, because Emma and Daniel were one, and as soon as she knew they were one there was no more reason to stop that tiny part of herself from giving in fully. That permanent sense of betrayal was gone in a flash and she was all in, finally free from the restraints she had put on herself. Finally free to love Emma twice as much because they were one and she came back for her.

 

Emma bit her lip in concentration and Regina could see her trying to work out her the best way to express her thoughts.

 

“I… It’s complicated,” she settled for after a beat. “I’m me. Deep down I’m one and the same, but my experiences are very different,” she said with a hint of sadness. “Daniel was not an orphan. He had a tough life because he was poor, but he had loving parents. I had…a very different life and that changed me. Now I sometimes remember how I used to be and I wonder why I couldn’t be that simple, how much my life in this world shaped who I’ve become,” she said with a slight frown.

 

She was wringing her fingers together nervously so Regina settled for caressing her to try to settle her down, afraid that if she spoke she would make Emma lose her momentum.

 

“I’m still the same but I’m also not,” Emma said more firmly, her eyes begging Regina to understand and accept. “I’m _Emma_ now. I have his memories but I don’t want to have two lives in my head. I want to keep the memories of you, of us together, but not really the rest.” 

 

Emma looked at her nervously and Regina nodded her understanding, silently urging her to continue. Regina wasn’t upset at all. She could understand Emma’s need to be just Emma, to try to make sense of the memories in her head and just pick what she wished to stay relevant. She would probably do the same thing. So long as Emma chose to remember them, she was okay with her decision.

 

“It’s nice of course, to have memories of parents who loved me and were always there, but what do I do when I miss them so bad or how can I look at these parents that I have now who also love me but who left me?” Emma said with tears in her eyes. 

 

Regina caressed her cheek with one hand and Emma leaned against it exhaling softly, Regina’s heart breaking a little for her girlfriend. 

 

“Is that why you were avoiding them when you came back?” Regina asked her gently.

 

Emma nodded and looked away. “It gets too much sometimes. It’s mostly what I talk about with Archie, to help me sort things out.”

 

“And your conclusion?”

 

"I’m still Emma,” she said with a soft smile, turning again to face Regina with a look of pure adoration on her face. “I’m just an Emma that also remembers being a boy named Daniel who loved the most beautiful girl in all the world, and he lost her there for a moment, but he knew he’d always-“

 

“ _Please_ don’t finish that sentence with what I know you’re about to say!” Regina cut her off, her eyes flashing with warning but she couldn’t quite hide her amusement.

 

“- find her,” Emma said and then she burst out laughing at the look on Regina’s face.

 

“Ugh! Gods, you’re such a _Charming_!” Regina groaned in annoyance but she had to fight the dopiest grin from cracking her mask. She lost that fight.

 

“You love it,” Emma teased, placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

 

Regina laughed and shook her head lightly, her heart too full of love and happiness. “I love _you_. All of you. Always.”

 

Emma smiled softly and nodded, her hand coming to rest on Regina’s cheek. “Always.”


	24. Epilogue

It was funny, she pondered, how quickly things could change in a moment. 

 

It was something that she had heard over and over again, for sure, and something she’d also lived through, but she hadn’t actually stopped to think just how true a statement it was for most of her life.

 

And then one moment she was strolling through the woods on patrol and the next there was the new villain of the week opening up a portal and jumping through. She should have probably known by then not to try to save the day by herself, to call Regina and wait. But, as Regina was constantly pointing out, she was an idiot. 

 

An idiot who learned, though. So she did call her, but she didn’t wait for her. And then she was pushed through the portal before Regina could get close to her and she ended up in her two-year prison.

 

She had time to contemplate then. She basically had time for nothing _but_ contemplation. One second and she was trapped in another world. Another second and she realized she had missed her period for three months and no, she was not gaining weight because she was eating too much (which was a ridiculous thought anyway considering how much food she was managing to eat in the middle of the forest), her belly was growing because she was impossibly pregnant. Another one and she then knew that she used to be someone else, once upon a time. Just like that, a few seconds, a few clicks, and her life took these major turns and none of it with much consent on her part. 

 

She consented to this, though. One moment she was standing in front of her beautiful soulmate and another she said ‘Yes’ and her life changed again. This time it wasn’t that much of a change, and she was glad for it, but it was a change nonetheless. A simple word and their union somehow felt more…set in stone. 

 

It was a strange thought because she had always known that she was Regina’s and that Regina was hers. She had always felt it. She’d felt it as Daniel and she’d felt it as the Emma who fought her own feelings and chose to be with someone else, and she’d felt it as the Emma who finally decided to follow her heart and be with the woman she loved. She’d always felt it but this…this felt different. More permanent for some reason.

 

She wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that she was taken from Regina just after proposing to her in those stables. If having her dream ripped away so suddenly and so violently made a small part of her be constantly fearful of it happening again. It probably did.

 

But they had made it. After so many years and two different lives, they did it. And she was the happiest she’d ever been. Regina looked it too if the grin constantly plastered on her face was any indication, or the constant loving declarations and the reassuring touches that it was really happening. And the fervent groping, of course, they just couldn’t keep their hands to themselves.

 

She regretted, for a moment, not accepting Lenora’s proposal of remembering her other lives because she wished she could have the images in her head of every time this happened in their many lives together. She was sure Regina would have looked beautiful in each and every one of them. Alas, she had this moment, and it was glorious.

 

She remembered wishing, just as Daniel was dying, that she could get just one more chance to find Regina again, and she was so incredibly grateful that it had happened, that they had the chance of healing their wounds together. 

 

She had felt guilty for so long. That her death had left Regina utterly alone in a horrible world, forced into a prison where she was so miserable it completely transformed her. But she was okay with it now. She was glad that she had gotten to see Regina in so many different ways, to see how her strength helped her pull through and aim to be a better version of herself, how her love for their son helped change her so much. She was so proud of her now, of the incredible woman she became. She knew that, had their lives never faced so many obstacles, the Regina she loved now would not exist. This Regina had to go through all those tests to become the force of nature she was. Incredible.

 

Emma smiled lovingly as she looked at her wife a few feet away from her, sure that anyone who looked at her would see how absolutely in love she was. Regina was dancing, happy and loving and free, with Henry’s hand on one of hers and Victoria’s on the other, the three of them forming a little triangle that threatened to both melt her heart and make it explode with so much love.

 

Regina turned around, maybe feeling Emma’s eyes on her, and smiled brightly, motioning with her head for her to join them. She did so, the four of them twirling and laughing and also momentarily having a shared heart attack when Victoria poofed herself onto Regina’s arms saying she was tired (they would probably have to look into how to handle their daughter’s rapidly evolving magic abilities very soon).

 

It really was funny how quickly and suddenly life changed in a moment, she thought, but, unlike the previous times she’d had this realization, this time there was no fear, no dread, nothing negative at all. Just a whole lot of love and happiness and hope for the future.

 

And a certainty. No matter what, no matter where or when, she would always be Regina’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting and putting up with this craziness!  
> I hope you enjoyed it and that the ending leaves you smiling :)


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